What I Wish I Knew Before Obsessing Over Popular Baby Names 2024
It was 2017, a Tuesday, and I was sweating through a heather-gray maternity tunic at a crowded Starbucks on 4th Street, desperately trying to ignore the fact that my compression leggings were actively cutting off circulation to my thighs. My...
The Ultimate Play Mat Baby Survival Guide For Exhausted Parents
I'm sitting cross-legged on my faded West Elm rug. It’s a Tuesday morning in 2017, I'm wearing black maternity leggings that I aggressively refuse to retire even though Maya is four months old, and I'm staring at a flashing, screeching,...
A Letter to My Past Self About This Whole Ozempic Babies Surprise
Dear Jess from six months ago. I see you sitting there on the cold tile of the guest bathroom floor, staring at that plastic stick while the washing machine thumps against the wall so hard it feels like an earthquake....
The Brutally Honest Truth About the Orbit Baby Stroller System
It was raining, obviously. I was standing in the parking lot of the Trader Joe’s on 4th Street, wearing yoga pants that hadn’t actually seen a yoga mat since sometime in 2017. Maya was strapped into her car seat screaming...
Why I Finally Started Buying Serenity Kids Baby Food for Maya
I was sitting on my kitchen floor at exactly 2:14 PM on a Tuesday, wearing yoga pants that hadn’t seen the inside of a gym since Obama was in office, panic-Googling "arsenic in sweet potatoes" while Maya, who was about...
Why The Nestle Baby Formula Drama Has Me Completely Stressed
My sister was sitting on my kitchen floor yesterday, absolutely sobbing over a tin of white powder while her six-week-old screamed in a bouncy seat, and honestly, I've never felt more seen. I was standing there in my yoga pants...
Why I’m Actively Trying to Turn My Twins Into Nepotism Babies
I was halfway through a tepid mug of black tea, reading an outrage-bait article about yet another famous twenty-something landing a massive film role simply because her father is a beloved nineties sitcom star, when one of my two-year-old daughters...
Figuring Out The MAGA Baby Savings Accounts Without Crying
Whatever you do, please don't open your laptop at 11:43 PM after half a glass of cheap Pinot Noir to try and calculate compounding interest for a four-year-old's theoretical college fund. I was sitting on the rug in Leo's nursery—wearing...
Why newborn babies come out covered in slippery cream cheese
The lights in the surgical theatre were violently bright, the machines were beeping in a rhythm that did absolutely nothing for my blood pressure, and I had been awake for approximately thirty-six hours. My wife was hidden behind a sterile...