Why we are all lying about the dreaded tablet toddler phase
Listen, we're sitting at a loud brunch spot off the Blue Line, and my son decides the texture of his waffle is deeply offensive. He throws it on the floor. He starts winding up for that specific, ear-piercing shriek that...
What 'The Baby 1973' Taught Me About Letting My Kids Grow Up
I was elbow-deep in a mountain of crusty toddler pants at eleven o'clock on a Tuesday, stress-eating stale Goldfish crackers while waiting for Etsy orders to print, when an old late-night movie caught my eye. Have y'all ever heard of...
In Which Week Baby Gender is Developed: My Ultrasound Data Log
I was literally holding my phone up to the ultrasound monitor at week twelve, trying to overlay a digital protractor app onto the blurry gray static on the screen. "If the angle of the genital tubercle is greater than 30...
Why "Love You Like A Love Song" Saved My Sanity (A Letter)
Dear Jess from last November. You're currently sitting on the peeling linoleum in the hallway, hiding from a four-month-old who's screaming like a tiny banshee because you put him on his stomach. The Texas heat is absolutely brutal outside, our...
Panic vs reality: exactly when do babies start to talk anyway
I was sitting on the beige rug in my living room, aggressively holding a wooden block in front of my ten-month-old's face, enunciating the word block like I was teaching a hostage how to defuse a bomb. He just stared...
Who Is Baby Gronk? (And Why My Toddler Is Retiring From Sports)
It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, the baby was aggressively attached to my left boob, the glow of my phone screen was fully illuminating my double chin, and I was deep-scrolling through videos of a ten-year-old boy deadlifting weights...
A Letter To Myself About The Chaos Of The Baby Crawling Phase
It's 2:14 PM on a Tuesday. I'm wearing black yoga pants that haven't seen the inside of a gym since 2018, and a gray t-shirt stained with breastmilk and what I'm desperately hoping is just mashed sweet potato. I'm nursing...
The Real Baby Definition: Throwing Out The Dictionary Right Now
I was sitting on the floor of my bathroom at 2:14 AM wearing a deeply stained gray nursing bra and exactly one sock, aggressively typing "baby definition" into my phone with my left thumb while Maya, who was exactly five...
Why The Baby Driver Soundtrack Vibe Is Actually Perfect For Your Kids
I was sitting in my minivan in the preschool pickup line, sweating through my second shirt of the day in this unforgiving Texas heat, when my sister-in-law shot me a frantic text. She was asking if the whole "baby driver"...