Magazine

Jess folding a mountain of essential baby and toddler equipment lumolog style in her Texas living room

My Essential Baby and Toddler Equipment Lumolog Guide

I was exactly eight months pregnant with my oldest, sitting on the floor of what used to be my craft room, sobbing into a plastic wipe warmer. My husband had just spent three hours trying to assemble a baby swing...

Read more

Close up of an 11-month-old baby girl chewing on a silicone panda teether to soothe a swollen eruption cyst on her gums.

Eruption Cyst Baby: Troubleshooting That Terrifying Purple Gum Bubble

Don't hold a tactical flashlight between your teeth while using a plastic baby spoon as a tongue depressor to examine a dark purple, terrifyingly squishy bubble on your baby's upper gum, because it'll only lead to a frantic attempt to...

Read more

Digital calipers measuring a neon sour gumball next to a silicone teether

My Brother's Cry Baby Bubble Gum Gag Gift Caused a Full System Panic

My brother Dave stood in our kitchen holding a plastic tub shaped like a giant teardrop, grinning like he had just solved a complex algorithm. Dave is 28, works in crypto, and his entire frame of reference for human infants...

Read more

A tired dad holding an acoustic guitar and a baby wrapped in a purple deer organic cotton blanket

How learning the dont worry baby chords fixed our sleep bugs

At 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, I was standing in the middle of our Portland nursery holding an iPad running a professional-grade decibel meter app in my left hand while frantically toggling between twelve different "womb environment" Spotify tracks with...

Read more

Dad holding baby while researching true crime on laptop

Did Ed Gein Kill The Baby Sitter? A Dad's Late-Night Search

11:43 PM. The glow of the television is casting a sickly blue light across our living room, illuminating an abandoned silicone teething ring and a half-drank bottle of formula. Sarah is asleep on the couch, her head resting at an...

Read more

A dad holding a vintage plush dragon while looking stressed in a nursery

The Absurd Reality of Hunting for a December 9 Beanie Baby

My mother-in-law cornered me in the kitchen last Tuesday, holding a 1998 plush dragon by its tail like it was a dead rat. She informed me, with the solemnity of a war general, that placing any soft toy within a...

Read more

A vintage Rumba the Tiger sitting safely on a high nursery shelf away from the crib

Why My Kid's Vintage Birthday Twin Toy Is Banned From The Crib

My wife Sarah caught me in the glow of my dual monitors at 2:14 AM, hovering my cursor over a "Buy It Now" button for a twenty-one-year-old stuffed tiger. I was holding our eleven-month-old in my left arm, furiously typing...

Read more

A vintage bear sitting on a high nursery shelf out of baby's reach

The Truth About That December 18th Beanie Baby From Your Mom

My mom lugged the giant, opaque Rubbermaid tub through my front door right as I was trying to unlatch a screaming newborn from my chest, kicking off her shoes and announcing that she had finally found my inheritance. It was...

Read more

Vintage Ty plush bear sitting safely on a wooden nursery shelf away from the crib

The Truth About Getting a December 15 Beanie Baby for Kids

My mother-in-law cornered me by the diaper pail on Tuesday morning. "You absolutely must get him the Ty toy with his exact birthday to keep in his crib," she announced, waving a screenshot from some Facebook collector's group. Three hours...

Read more