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My Essential Baby and Toddler Equipment Lumolog Guide
I was exactly eight months pregnant with my oldest, sitting on the floor of what used to be my craft room, sobbing into a plastic wipe warmer. My husband had just spent three hours trying to assemble a baby swing...
Eruption Cyst Baby: Troubleshooting That Terrifying Purple Gum Bubble
Don't hold a tactical flashlight between your teeth while using a plastic baby spoon as a tongue depressor to examine a dark purple, terrifyingly squishy bubble on your baby's upper gum, because it'll only lead to a frantic attempt to...
My Brother's Cry Baby Bubble Gum Gag Gift Caused a Full System Panic
My brother Dave stood in our kitchen holding a plastic tub shaped like a giant teardrop, grinning like he had just solved a complex algorithm. Dave is 28, works in crypto, and his entire frame of reference for human infants...
How learning the dont worry baby chords fixed our sleep bugs
At 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, I was standing in the middle of our Portland nursery holding an iPad running a professional-grade decibel meter app in my left hand while frantically toggling between twelve different "womb environment" Spotify tracks with...
Did Ed Gein Kill The Baby Sitter? A Dad's Late-Night Search
11:43 PM. The glow of the television is casting a sickly blue light across our living room, illuminating an abandoned silicone teething ring and a half-drank bottle of formula. Sarah is asleep on the couch, her head resting at an...
The Absurd Reality of Hunting for a December 9 Beanie Baby
My mother-in-law cornered me in the kitchen last Tuesday, holding a 1998 plush dragon by its tail like it was a dead rat. She informed me, with the solemnity of a war general, that placing any soft toy within a...
Why My Kid's Vintage Birthday Twin Toy Is Banned From The Crib
My wife Sarah caught me in the glow of my dual monitors at 2:14 AM, hovering my cursor over a "Buy It Now" button for a twenty-one-year-old stuffed tiger. I was holding our eleven-month-old in my left arm, furiously typing...
The Truth About That December 18th Beanie Baby From Your Mom
My mom lugged the giant, opaque Rubbermaid tub through my front door right as I was trying to unlatch a screaming newborn from my chest, kicking off her shoes and announcing that she had finally found my inheritance. It was...
The Truth About Getting a December 15 Beanie Baby for Kids
My mother-in-law cornered me by the diaper pail on Tuesday morning. "You absolutely must get him the Ty toy with his exact birthday to keep in his crib," she announced, waving a screenshot from some Facebook collector's group. Three hours...