The Kim Kardashian Santa Baby Video Is An Algorithm Nightmare
Listen. The biggest lie they sell us about modern motherhood is the safety of the search bar. You think you can type a harmless holiday song into the television, hand over the remote, and buy yourself exactly four minutes to...
The Myth of Baby Art and How to Actually Survive It
Iβm currently staring at a active purple streak on the toe of my left sneaker. It arrived there about an hour ago, during what my wife and I ambitiously labeled "creative enrichment time." The biggest myth of modern parentingβpropagated almost...
The Great Toddler Empathy Crisis and My Stained Maternity Shirt
I was exactly thirty-four weeks pregnant with Maya, sweating profoundly through a mustard-yellow maternity top that had a coffee stain shaped exactly like Florida right on the collarbone. It was 3:14 PM on a Tuesday, which is universally the worst...
Confessions of a pediatric nurse about screen time and animated shows
It's a Tuesday in late November. The wind off Lake Michigan is rattling our apartment windows, and the radiators are hissing that dry winter heat that makes your throat scratchy. My son Rohan is gripping my pant leg, doing that...
Letter to Past Me: How to Survive the Real-Life Baby Boss Phase
Itβs 6:43 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm sitting on the cold linoleum of the kitchen floor wearing the grey sweatpants with the mystery yogurt stain on the left thigh, clutching a mug of tepid French roast like itβs a...
The Blunt Truth About Retractable Baby Gates (And My Worst Night)
It was 6:15 PM, I had a half-empty jar of marinara sauce tucked under my left arm, a screaming six-month-old anchored on my right hip, and my two-year-old was actively trying to feed the dog a AAA battery he found...
The Tush Baby Survival Guide: Why I Wear a Tactical Hip Shelf
We were somewhere near the dinosaur skeletons at the Natural History Museum when my left bicep finally went on strike. Maya had decided the floor was lava, Chloe had decided the pram was a medieval torture device, and I was...
Decoding The Baby Boo Meaning Youngboy TikTok Trend For Dads
Dear Marcus of six months ago. You're currently sitting on the mid-century modern living room rug you definitely couldn't afford, obsessively logging the baby's exact milk intake into an app (4.2 ounces, up from 3.8 yesterday). The Portland rain is...
The Truth About Baby Bliss (And Why It Doesn't Have a Power Cord)
The smell of singed nylon bathmat is something that stays with you. I was standing in my cramped Chicago bathroom, trying to salvage two hours of sleep with some under-eye concealer, when Kiran started doing his signature banshee wail from...