The Great VTech Baby Monitor Experiment (A Dad's Honest Take)
I spent the first three months of my twin daughtersβ lives doing exactly what you shouldnβt do: I bought a terrifyingly cheap, unbranded camera off the internet that broadcasted grainy, unencrypted footage of my children directly to, presumably, a server...
The ugly truth about baby loungers and your precious sleep
I was sitting in my living room last Thanksgiving when my sister-in-law proudly whispered that her newborn had been asleep for three hours in one of those plush, overstuffed infant nests on the sofa. She looked at me like she...
Winter With Twins: A Freezing Dad's Guide to Infant Layering
Dear Tom of six months ago. You're currently standing in the narrow, draughty hallway of our Victorian terrace, sweating profusely through your jumper while trying to stuff Evie's left arm into a fleece-lined snowsuit. Isla is already dressed and currently...
Why the Baby Got Back Lyrics Actually Make Terrible Parenting Advice
2:14 AM. Tuesday. I'm wearing Dave's old college sweatpants with a mysterious, crusted-over yogurt stain on the knee, desperately bouncing a screaming three-week-old Leo while whisper-rapping the words to Sir Mix-a-Lot in the dark. You know the exact scene from...
Baby Got Back: Surviving Sleep Paranoia and Toddler Defiance
My mother-in-law cornered me in the kitchen on day three of fatherhood to firmly insist that babies must sleep on their fronts, otherwise they'll choke on their own spit-up and perish before dawn. The NHS health visitor, who arrived three...
Bringing Your Newborn Home Without Losing Your Mind
I was wedged between a breast pump box and a diaper bag in the back of my husband's F-150, clutching the plastic handle of the infant carrier like we were off-roading, even though he was driving twelve miles an hour...
The Great Baby Sleep Sack Delusion (And What Actually Works)
Before the twins arrived, my wife and I spent an embarrassing amount of time folding beautifully crocheted, pastel-coloured blankets over the edge of their cots. I had this distinct, cinematic vision of fatherhood where I'd gently tuck a cellular quilt...
Debugging the erratic hardware of your newborn's respiratory system
My mother-in-law confidently told me that if the nursery is completely quiet, the baby is sleeping perfectly and I should go make a sandwich. My lead developer at work, however, told me that I needed to purchase a hospital-grade under-mattress...
The baby Saja aesthetic versus the reality of my screaming twins
It was 4:12 AM, the bluish light of my phone illuminating a half-eaten Hobnob on my bedside table, when I fully lost my grip on reality. One of the twinsβI honestly couldn't tell you which one in the dark, but...