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The 3am Accutane Baby Panic: Skincare, Pregnancy, and Paranoia
The bathroom tiles were freezing against my bare legs, but the cold barely registered because I was staring at two things: a plastic stick with two faint pink lines, and a half-empty tube of prescription acne cream. It was 3:17...
The 3 AM Breaking Point and the Truth About Shaken Baby Syndrome
There's a very specific frequency of noise that two eight-week-old humans can achieve simultaneously, and I'm fairly certain it violates several international treaties. It was a Tuesday, somewhere around 3:14 in the morning, and I was pacing the hallway of...
Why bringing a baby to a Lil Baby concert is a terrible idea
My cousin Neha spent three days hovering over her laptop trying to score lil baby concert tickets. She finally secured two floor seats for the lil baby concert atlanta stop, then casually texted me a screenshot of her cart with...
Why My First Stair Gate Was a Complete Disaster and Other Confessions
I dropped an entire basket of freshly folded onesies right at the bottom of the steps when I saw it. My oldest son, Carterβwho's now five and still the absolute poster child for why I've gray hairβwas nine months old...
The Great Baby Crib Survival Guide (And Mistakes I Actually Made)
I was sitting on the nursery floor at precisely 2:14 in the morning, a hex key clamped between my teeth, watching Twin A actively try to consume a wooden dowel while I wept quietly over a set of Swedish assembly...
What I Wish I Knew Before Buying That Magical Baby Swing
Itβs 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in November, and I'm standing in my kitchen wearing a pair of Target maternity leggings from 2014 that smell aggressively like sour milk, holding a lukewarm mug of yesterdayβs coffee, just absolutely paralyzed while...
The Exact Moment My Twin Girls Decided to Become Fully Mobile
I was halfway through a tepid mug of Yorkshire tea when I heard the distinct sound of a skull making soft, rhythmic contact with cheap Swedish MDF. It was Tuesday, approximately 10:14 AM, and Mia had finally discovered how to...
The Beanie Baby Delusion: Why I Booted My Childhood Collection
I was standing ankle-deep in fiberglass insulation in my parents' attic last Thanksgiving, holding a massive, dust-caked Rubbermaid tub. Inside was what my 1998 brain calculated to be roughly $40,000 worth of brightly colored plush toys. I actually looked at...
Why the Baby Driver Cast Fooled Me on Family Movie Night
My oldest boy, Jackson, is standing dead center in the living room wearing mismatched dinosaur pajamas, clutching a half-eaten string cheese like a microphone, and staring completely wide-eyed at our television screen. It's 9:45 PM on a Friday. He's supposed...