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The Diddy Baby Oil Meme: A Warning Letter To My Past Parenting Self
Dear Sarah of exactly six months ago. You're currently sitting on the cold hexagonal tiles of the downstairs bathroom, wearing that baggy gray college hoodie with the mysterious bleach stain near the pocket. Your cold brew is sitting precariously on...
How to Choose a Baby Stroller Before You Completely Lose Your Mind
Hey Marcus from six months ago. You're currently sweating through your flannel shirt in aisle 14 of the massive baby gear warehouse, staring at a wall of aluminum and canvas like it's a server rack that just randomly caught fire....
My Unhinged, Exhausting Search For The Best Glass Baby Bottles
I was standing in my kitchen at 3:14 AM wearing my husband Danβs college sweatpants that had a questionable mustard stain on the knee, holding a supposedly pristine, top-of-the-line glass bottle while Maya screamed in the other room. I was...
My history with johnson and johnson baby oil and the pink bottle
Listen. I was standing in my cramped Chicago bathroom holding a naked, freshly bathed three-month-old who was entirely coated in johnson and johnson baby oil. He was thrashing like a freshly caught salmon. I had absolutely zero grip. My mother...
Why the Baki Baby Meme is Bizarre and What Real Strength Looks Like
I was sitting on the floor of my home office last Tuesday, trying to fulfill three Etsy orders for custom vinyl tumblers while simultaneously folding a mountain of tiny, mismatched socks, when my sisterβs fourteen-year-old nephew strolled in. He stepped...
Surviving the Logistics of Boy Baby Shower Invites
It was 11 PM on a Tuesday. I had a Google Sheet open with column headers for "Paper Weight (GSM)" and "Postage Cost Variance." My wife, Sarah, who was seven months pregnant at the time, walked into the kitchen holding...
The Only Honest Guide to Venues for Baby Shower Celebrations
I'm currently sitting on the floor of my Etsy inventory room, aggressively tearing off pieces of packing tape for a massive stack of custom nursery signs, while my youngest child uses my left ankle as a teething ring. My phone...
Writing a Baby Shower Card That Doesn't Sound Completely Awkward
My mother told me a shower card must make the pregnant woman cry tears of deep joy. My buddy Dave said I should just scribble "Sleep is a lie, good luck" on a Post-it and tape a twenty-dollar bill to...
Why Thinkbaby Sunscreen Is The Only White Paste I Trust On My Kid
Sand was quite literally glued to my son's left eyeball. We were at Oak Street Beach. It was ninety degrees in Chicago, the concrete was radiating heat, and he was screaming a pitch usually reserved for the pediatric triage desk....