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Exhausted dad staring at a massive pile of wet wipes in a messy London nursery

A letter to my past self about the quest for superior baby wipes

Dear Tom of six months ago, You're currently standing in the semi-darkness of the nursery at 4:12 AM, attempting to perform a minor miracle while Twin A tries to kick you in the face and Twin B wails in aggressive...

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A tired dad holding a baby looking confused at a television screen

What Bridget Jones’s Baby Got Wrong About Real Parenting

Don't, under any circumstances, boot up Bridget Jones’s Baby at 11 PM on a Tuesday when your wife is 34 weeks pregnant and already convinced every random abdominal twinge is a catastrophic system failure. I learned this the hard way....

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A tired dad staring at a laptop spreadsheet of baby names in a dark nursery

Reverse-Engineering Adorable: The Baby Name Spreadsheet

It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, roughly two weeks before our son's scheduled launch date. The only light in the half-finished nursery was the cold glow of my dual monitors. My wife, Sarah, was sitting on a deflated birthing...

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A wooden baby play gym standing on a rug in a messy living room

The Truth About the Baby Steps Game Uncensored Search Trend

I'm sitting on the floor of our extremely cramped London living room, scraping a substance that might be mashed banana (but is almost certainly worse) off my left knee, when my phone buzzes with a frantic text from my sister....

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Dad holding phone to take baby pictures of an eleven month old

Why My Phone is Full of Blurry Baby Pictures (And What to Do)

My iCloud storage officially threw a fatal error at 2:14 AM on a Tuesday. I was standing in the pitch black of the nursery, balancing my eleven-month-old son’s disproportionately heavy head against my collarbone, while frantically trying to delete cached...

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Father attempting to take a baby picture of twins on a neutral blanket while they squirm.

Capturing the Perfect Baby Picture Without Losing Your Mind

There's a highly specific, sweat-drenched panic that occurs on day nine of a newborn’s life. You're holding your iPhone 12 at a precarious angle over a pile of blankets, your central heating is cranked to thirty degrees, and you're desperately...

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A dad looking exhausted while holding two newborn twins in blankets

The gloriously absurd reality of making a test tube baby in your 30s

"So," my Great-Aunt Maureen leaned in over a plate of increasingly stale buffet sandwiches at a family wedding, her voice dropping to a conspiratorial whisper. "Are they test tube babies?" I looked down at my twin girls, who were currently...

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A tired pregnant woman looking skeptically at a baby gender prediction chart

Is There Actually an Accurate Baby Gender Predictor Out There

At fourteen weeks pregnant, I went to a family dinner, stopped for coffee the next morning, and saw my obstetrician that afternoon. My mother-in-law took one look at my chin breakouts and declared I was carrying a girl who was...

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A dad looking panicked at his smart phone while a baby plays on a wooden gym.

Dear Past Marcus: Lil Nas X Industry Baby is Not a Nursery Song

Dear Marcus of exactly six months ago, Picture this exact scenario, because you're going to live it soon enough. You're standing in the kitchen, aggressively whisking a bottle of formula at 2:14 PM, wearing a gray t-shirt that hasn't seen...

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