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The midnight baby meme: surviving internet chaos and newborn life
Listen. The absolute worst thing you can do at 2:42 AM when your infant is staring at the ceiling like they owe it money is open a sleep training forum. I used to do this. I'd sit in the dark,...
The Truth Behind the Sugar Baby Movie Hype for Modern Parents
Dear Past Jess, It's two in the morning, and I'm currently sitting on the floor of our living room here in rural Texas, staring at a laundry basket that looks like it's actively reproducing. I'm peeling a mysterious, crusty substance...
The Three Wise Men and a Baby Cast: Hollywood Myths and Plaster
It's 3:14 in the morning, and I'm watching three perfectly groomed Canadian actors attempt to figure out how a nappy works while my left shoulder slowly absorbs a terrifying volume of pureed carrot. I'm rewatching the Hallmark holiday juggernaut Three...
Dear Priya, it is totally normal to think your newborn looks weird
Dear Priya from six months ago. You're currently sitting on a plastic-covered mattress in room 4B of the maternity ward. The fluorescent lights are buzzing in that specific, anxiety-inducing pitch that only hospital fixtures can manage. You have ice packs...
My Complete Meltdown Over Petting Zoos and a Tiny Baby Donkey
It's exactly 10:14 AM on a Tuesday and I'm currently wedged between a rusty chain-link fence and a toddler who's vibrating with the kind of feral energy that usually precedes a trip to urgent care. My four-year-old, Leo, is violently...
What a Wild Baby Chimp Taught Me About Raising Twin Toddlers
I'm currently lying flat on the rug in our London living room, staring at a patch of ceiling that desperately needs painting, while someone repeatedly hits my left shin with a plastic spatula. Twin A (Isla) is shrieking because her...
Why a 1980s baby boom cast makes more sense than modern apps
My mum casually mentioned last Tuesday that if I didn't start putting a pulverized rusk into the twins' nighttime milk, they would never sleep past 4 am and I'd be looking at stunted growth by their third birthday. The bloke...
The Messy, Honest Truth About Getting a Baby Axolotl
It was 7:00 AM on a Tuesday, and I was standing in my kitchen trying to pour coffee while my four-year-old oldest son shoved a piece of construction paper directly into my line of sight. On it was a crude...
The Great Flatlay Disaster: Twin Baby Announcement Ideas
The ultrasound gel was alarmingly cold, but that wasn't what made me stop breathing. It was the sudden, incredibly protracted silence from Janet, the NHS sonographer who had been cheerfully chatting about her spaniel just moments before. She squinted at...