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Watching Sorry Baby 2025 Made Me Terrified of the Teen Years
I'm sitting in seat F4 at the Alamo Drafthouse down the street, my hand frozen halfway to my mouth holding a cluster of completely cold, slightly soggy truffle popcorn that I don't even really want anymore. It's 8:15 PM on...
That Time Sir Mix-A-Lot Baby Got Back Literally Saved My Sanity
It was exactly 3:14 AM. I know this because the glowing red numbers on the digital clock were searing themselves into my retinas while I bounced on a deflated blue yoga ball so violently my teeth were literally rattling in...
Dear Past Me: Please Put Down the Shrek Baby Costume and Walk Away
Dear Priya from exactly six months ago. You're currently standing in the seasonal aisle at Target. You haven't slept in three days. You're holding a deeply flammable polyester green ogre costume and furiously Googling if infants can watch early 2000s...
Why adopting a rabbit baby is a truly terrible idea for your home
My mate Marcus texted me at half-past eleven on a Tuesday night, which is universally acknowledged as the hour when parents of toddlers make their absolute worst life decisions. "Mate," the message read, glowing aggressively in the dark while I...
Why Peppa Pig is Banned (and Unbanned) in My House
I was standing at the kitchen island trying to pack up four late Etsy orders while balancing a screaming newborn on my hip when I heard it. A high-pitched, fake British accent coming from the living room. "Mummy Pig! I...
Surviving toddler time warps and the baby g watch revelation
Yesterday at 4:15 PM, I watched a fellow parent achieve the impossible by the swings in Victoria Park. His seven-year-old daughter was mid-tantrum, fully committed to avoiding the inevitable march home for dinner. Then, a tiny beep emanated from her...
The Horrifying Truth About Baby FNAF: A Tired Dad's Discovery
At 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, my daughter Maya sat bolt upright in her cot, pointed a trembling, chubby finger at the slightly ajar wardrobe door, and shrieked something about a clown with a claw in its tummy. Her twin...
The Literal Baby Don't Hurt Me Phase Of Parenting Is Actually Wild
It was a random Tuesday at exactly 6:14 AM, and I was wearing those tragic gray sweatpants with the mysterious bleach stain on the left thigh that my husband absolutely hates. I had exactly half a sip of lukewarm French...
Surviving That First Ridiculous Baby Day Out Into The Wild
I stood with my hand hovering over the front door handle for a solid forty-five minutes, paralyzed by indecision. My twin girls, who were roughly ten weeks old at the time, were actually asleep in the gargantuan double buggy that...