Dear Tom: Buy a fuΓsack fΓΌr babys before the winter sleet hits
Dear November Tom, You're currently standing outside the off-licence on a Tuesday afternoon. The sleet is doing that highly specific, horizontal London thing where it somehow manages to rain entirely upward. Both girls have just simultaneously scissor-kicked their hand-knitted cellular...
The Big Secret About Baby Conditioner With No Alcohol Labels
I'm currently sitting on a damp bath mat that smells vaguely of mildew, squinting at the tiny print on a plastic bottle while my four-year-old tries to make a pirate beard out of toxic-looking blue bubbles. He is my oldest,...
How I Finally Found a Play Activity Mat That Did Not Drive Me Crazy
When I was pregnant with my oldest, Tucker, I swear everybody had a loud opinion on where exactly the baby was supposed to exist when I wasn't holding him. My grandmother told me to just throw a handmade quilt on...
What to Do When Your Toddler Finds a Baby Finch in the Grass
It's 2:14 PM on a Tuesday and I'm staring at what looks like a hairy jellybean on my concrete patio. My 11-month-old daughter is currently operating in her standard 'Roomba mode,' rapidly crawling toward the jellybean with her mouth wide...
Tears at Teatime: Why Your Infant Turns Feeding Into A Drama
I once tried to solve a mid-feed meltdown by aggressively bouncing on a pilates ball while simultaneously singing an out-of-tune rendition of Oasis and trying to force a silicone teat into a mouth that was currently shaped like a right...
The 3 AM Meltdown That Made Me Finally Buy a Real Gum Teether
It was 3:17 AM in a freezing January, and I was sitting on the floor of my mother-in-lawβs guest room in Connecticut wearing a stained pair of maternity sweatpants that I absolutely should have retired two years prior. Maya was...
Why buying a baby comb for a completely bald infant makes sense
Before the twins arrived, my mother-in-law handed me a beautifully wrapped, eco-friendly grooming kit containing a wildly soft bristle brush and a tiny wooden toothed implement. I looked at the ultrasound pictures stuck to my fridgeβtwo indistinct blurry blobs that...
Debugging The Baby's Breath Garland Nursery Disaster
It's 11:43 PM on a Tuesday, and I'm standing on a step stool in my socks, gripping a heavy-duty staple gun in one hand and a crumbling, foul-smelling botanical structure in the other. My 11-month-old son is asleep in the...
Dear Past Jess: The Butternut Squash Baby Food Survival Guide
Put the dull paring knife down, honey. Just lay it gently on the cutting board and step away from the counter before you end up in the rural Texas ER explaining to a very tired nurse how a vegetable completely...