Magazine
Can Babies Eat Baby Doll Pizza? The Takeout Incident
I was standing on Stark Street in Portland in a light drizzle, holding a lukewarm oat milk flat white that cost entirely too much money, while my husband Dave balanced a massive, grease-stained cardboard box on his hip. We were...
Dear Priya from six months ago about the baby doge trap
Listen. I know exactly where you're right now. You're sitting on the rug in the nursery at three in the morning with a squirming toddler who refuses to sleep, scrolling TikTok with your screen brightness turned all the way down....
Why I Will Never Buy the Baby Dior Perfume for My Twin Girls
Last Tuesday at precisely 4:15 PM, I found myself standing in a terrifyingly white Georgian townhouse in South Kensington, wiping a smear of mashed banana off my left shoulder while watching a woman named Cressida casually spritz her eight-month-old son...
Why I Stopped Tracking Baby Development by Week With My Third
It was 3:17 AM, and the harsh blue light from my phone screen was probably blinding my firstborn as I frantically refreshed a developmental tracker app while nursing in our rocking chair. The app was practically screaming at me that...
Why I Stopped Buying Flashy Baby Designer Clothes
It was 2:14 in the morning on a Tuesday, and I was standing in Mayaβs nursery wearing a nursing tank top that smelled strongly of sour milk and desperation, holding my breath. She was three weeks old. My mother-in-law had...
Dear Past Priya: The Honest Truth About The Baby Delight Bouncer
Dear Priya of six months ago. You're currently sitting on the cold hardwood floor of our Logan Square apartment, staring at a pile of gray metal tubes and a piece of canvas. Your coffee is cold. The baby is doing...
Starring in the Real Baby Daddy Show (Minus the Laugh Track)
Dear Tom, You're currently sitting on the edge of the bathtub, wearing a fleece dressing gown that smells faintly of Sudocrem and despair, staring at a phone screen playing an old episode of that American sitcom. You know the one....
How to Stop Your Toddler from Accidentally Breaking a Baby Dachshund
I was halfway through a tepid cup of Earl Grey when I saw it happening in slow motion. Twin A, my slightly more chaotic two-year-old, was attempting to swing her leg over a visiting twelve-week-old sausage dog like she was...
Dear Past Marcus: Surviving Solids With Baby Lemon Impossible Pies
I'm currently scraping a cemented, neon-yellow blob of crust off the exact midpoint of our kitchen floor at 3 AM using an old credit card. Itβs stuck to the hardwood like industrial adhesive. This is my life now. Dear Marcus...