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Why You Need a Baby Sign Language Chart in Your Kitchen
I was standing barefoot on a kitchen floor completely covered in soggy, half-chewed Cheerios, furiously tapping my fingertips together at my red-faced nine-month-old while yelling over his screams about how he just needed to do the little hand thing if...
Where Do Babies Come From: Surviving The Ultimate Toddler Question
We're idling on the Kennedy expressway, somewhere near the loop, when the question hits the back of my head like a stray wooden block. She's pointing out the window at a heavily pregnant woman walking a golden retriever. She looks...
When "Baby Please Don't Go" Means "Please Stop Giving Me Advice"
I was standing in aisle four of Target, holding a half-empty iced vanilla latte that I had honestly forgotten paying for, while my four-month-old daughter Maya tried to literally eat my hair. She was wearing this pale yellow onesie that...
Writing Honest Baby Shower Greetings When Your Mind is Blank
Dear Jess from six months ago, I know exactly where you're right now. You're sitting in the sweltering driver's seat of your Honda Odyssey in the Target parking lot, the air conditioner blasting directly into your face while you try...
The Panic-Sweat Guide: Explaining How Babies Are Actually Made
It was a Tuesday morning, exactly 8:14 AM, and I was standing in line at our local bakery wearing a pair of black leggings that I hadn't washed since the weekend. I was holding a terrifyingly hot Americano in one...
Why Super Creek Goo Goo Babies Isn't The Parenting Trend You Think
I was elbow-deep in a basket of mismatched toddler socks yesterday, trying to figure out how a house with five people produces seventy-three single left socks, when my fourteen-year-old nephew snorted from the couch. He was supposed to be helping...
The Truth About Googoo Babies (And What Mine Are Actually Saying)
Iβm currently elbow-deep in printing shipping labels for my Etsy shop while my youngest, Levi, is having what sounds like a very heated political debate with the ceiling fan. Heβs six months old, completely pantsless, covered in what I hope...
Why I Stopped Talking to My Infant Like a Tiny Corporate Executive
There's this very specific, slightly yellowish stain on the left shoulder of my vintage Ramones t-shirt. I got the shirt at a thrift store in 2018, back when I had things like "free time" and "disposable income," but the stain...
When Do Babies Start Babbling? A Tired Momβs Guide to the Noise
There I was, sitting cross-legged on my living room rug surrounded by a mountain of unsorted laundry, aggressively waving black-and-white flashcards in my firstbornβs face. Leo was about four months old at the time, staring at me with the blankest...