Twins and the absurd reality of baby elephant weight
In the suffocatingly warm waiting room of our local NHS clinic, whilst desperately trying to balance a screaming twin on each knee, I received three entirely contradictory pieces of advice about infant growth within a single ten-minute span. Our health...
Spotting Cerebral Palsy in Babies: A Twin Dadβs Messy Story
It was a bleak Tuesday in November, raining with that specific London spitefulness, and I was lying on the living room rug surrounded by the debris of early parenthood. At six months old, my twin girls were engaged in entirely...
The "Call Me Baby" Era: TikTok Trends vs Actual Newborn Survival
It was 3:14 AM on a rainy Tuesday, and I was sitting on our violently stained nursing chair trying to remember if I had already burped Twin A, or if the loud noise I just heard came from my own...
Surviving the Baby Sling Carrier When You Have Zero Coordination
I was standing in the kitchen at two in the afternoon, wearing yesterday's t-shirt and draped in five meters of stretchy jersey fabric, looking less like a modern father and more like a deeply depressed Roman senator. Twin A was...
The Midnight Madness of Baby MORI Sacks and Tog Ratings
It's 3:14 in the morning on a profoundly wet Tuesday in November, and I'm standing in the exact centre of our Victorian terrace's nursery holding a plastic egg that glows an angry, accusatory red. This egg is supposed to tell...
Normal Baby Weight at Birth: A Letter to My Terrified Past Self
Dear Tom from six months ago. You're currently hiding in the downstairs loo at a family barbecue, trying to field questions from your brother-in-law about what constitutes a normal baby weight. His wife is being induced on Tuesday, and you're...
Surviving Twins With The Skip Hop Baby Activity Center
My mother-in-law arrived on a rainy Tuesday bearing a gift she had unearthed from the darkest, most spider-infested corners of her loft: a wheeled infant walker from 1996. It was a faded neon monstrosity with the turning radius of a...
A Letter to Past Me: Stop Panicking About Normal Baby Weight
Dear Tom from two years ago, currently sweating through a grey marl t-shirt in Room 4 of the local NHS clinic. You're sitting in a plastic chair that's somehow both sticky and cold, balancing two identical infant car seats on...
Why I Finally Understand the Upscale Baby Department Hype
I'm standing in the middle of a brightly lit American department store, holding a miniature cashmere cardigan that costs more than my first car, trying to calculate exactly how long it'll take a six-month-old to cover it in pureed carrots....