Let's talk about the baby einstein aquarium and infant sleep
My mother-in-law sat at my kitchen island and told me those glowing plastic fish were the only reason my husband ever slept through the night in the early nineties. My doctor looked at my meticulously tracked sleep logs, sighed, and...
That Terrifying BRUE Baby Glitch: What I Wish We Hadn't Done
Whatever you do, please don't pick up your kid and shake them like a defective Wi-Fi router when they suddenly go completely limp, which is exactly the panicked instinct I had to fight back at 2:14 AM last Tuesday. My...
Surviving A Cone Head Baby: When Your Newborn Looks Like An Alien
I had a spreadsheet for everything. Diaper count, precise bassinet temperature, best swaddle torque. But nowhere in my forty-two tabs of prenatal research did I account for the moment the delivery nurse handed me a creature whose skull looked like...
Playing Bread Baby I'm-a Want You Fixed Our 3AM Sleep Crisis
It's 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm writing this to youβwhich is to say, me, six months agoβwhile our son screams into my left clavicle like a dial-up modem failing to connect. I know exactly where you're right now...
Why Bobby Sherman Cried Like a Baby (And Why Yours Does Too)
Yesterday at my favorite craft coffee spot, the barista handed me my iced Americano and casually mentioned that letting an 11-month-old scream in his stroller builds "diaphragmatic resilience." Two hours later, my mother-in-law texted to warn me that responding to...
The absurdly high stakes of keeping your bassinet baby alive
Before we even brought the twins home from the hospital, three different people gave me three mutually exclusive pieces of advice about where they should sleep. My mother-in-law insisted I needed to line their little bedside cribs with rolled-up cashmere...
Dear Past Tom: Surviving When Your Baby's Coming Back Up
Dear Past Tom of six months ago, You're currently sitting in The Crown on a rainy Tuesday afternoon, enjoying a rare hour of unsupervised freedom while your mother-in-law watches the twins. You have consumed exactly one and a half pints...
What To Do When The Baby Zombie Phase Actually Ruins Your Sleep
Listen. It was a quarter past three on a Tuesday when I realized my apartment was under a coordinated siege by two entirely different types of the undead. My husband and my older kid were huddled over an iPad in...
New Baby What You Wishing For? The Brutal Truth About The First Year
I'm standing in my tiny, unventilated bathroom at 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in November, wearing a pair of mesh hospital underwear that I've somehow managed to launder and reuse because I refuse to let them go, holding my firstborn,...