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Debugging dinner: My panic-induced deep dive into organic baby food
It was Tuesday night, 6:14 PM, and my kitchen looked like a crime scene involving a very small, very angry sweet potato. My wife, Sarah, was trying to scrape orange sludge off the ceiling while I sat on the floor,...
The Truth Behind the Sugar Baby Movie Hype for Modern Parents
Dear Past Jess, It's two in the morning, and I'm currently sitting on the floor of our living room here in rural Texas, staring at a laundry basket that looks like it's actively reproducing. I'm peeling a mysterious, crusty substance...
How to Actually Do a Target Baby Registry Search Without Tears
When I was about seven months pregnant with Maya, three different people gave me three completely contradictory pieces of advice about how getting people to buy us newborn gear actually worked. My mother-in-law insisted that guests just walk up to...
What Nobody Tells You About the Amazon Baby Registry Welcome Box
I was sitting on my living room floor, ankle-deep in cardboard boxes and packing peanuts, sweating through my maternity shirt in the middle of a brutal Texas July. I was thirty-eight weeks pregnant with my oldest childβthe one who's currently...
Why Your Strampler Baby Needs Far Less Clothes Than You Think
I remember distinctly sitting on my living room rug about four years ago, trying to wrestle my oldest sonβs chubby little newborn thigh into a pair of raw denim baby jeans. He was screaming like I was torturing him, my...
The 3 AM Google Searches That Prove Postpartum is Wild
The other night, I was sitting in the dark nursing my youngest, running on maybe forty-five cumulative minutes of sleep, trying to type 'eco baby gear' into my phone with one thumb while balancing a burp cloth on my knee....
How to Find Free Baby Samples Without Losing Your Damn Mind
I was sitting on my living room couch at 2:14 AM wearing a pair of Dave's gym shorts that I had stretched to their absolute physical limit over my seven-month pregnant belly, staring at my phone as my inbox counter...
The Brutal Truth About Shower Gifts That Guests Actually Keep
I'm standing in my kitchen, staring at a tiny resin carriage I just found in the back of my junk drawer. I honestly don't know whose party it came from. Before I had my own kid, I thought you had...
That Time A Baby Possum Taught Me Everything About Infant Sleep
I was standing in my gravel driveway at two in the afternoon, sweat pooling in the small of my back, holding a literal shoebox containing a shivering, bald little creature while my oldest toddler screamed so loud the neighbors probably...