Magazine

A vintage Ty Lizzy the Lizard beanie baby sitting next to a wooden nursery play gym

The chaotic truth about hunting down a May 11th beanie baby

Whatever you do, don't lie in the dark at two in the morning, covered in a thin but incredibly resilient layer of what I can only hope is regurgitated formula, fiercely battling a stranger on the internet for a stuffed...

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Exhausted dad researching baby lip tie symptoms on a laptop in the dark

Troubleshooting Baby Lip Ties: Why We Decided to Skip the Laser

At 3:14 AM on a Tuesday during month two, I was sitting in the dark glow of my dual monitors, logging our daughter's nursing "click" frequency into a Google Sheet. Click. Swallow. Click. Cry. Maya was in the bedroom, crying...

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A simple audio baby monitor sitting next to a half empty coffee mug

The kriss_baby_ leaks webcam scare: Why I tossed our monitor

My husband was standing in the hallway in his underwear at two in the morning, aggressively poking the back of our internet router with a bent paperclip while swearing under his breath. I was sitting on the floor of the...

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A worn vintage plush cat sitting on a high shelf out of reach of twin toddlers

The July 26 Beanie Baby Incident That Broke My Sanity

I'm currently on my hands and knees holding a pair of tweezers and a remarkably weak mobile phone torch in my mouth, desperately trying to extract a single plastic pellet from the gap between our original Victorian floorboards. Twin A...

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Exhausted mom drinking cold coffee holding a sleeping newborn baby

How To Survive the Newborn Phase Without Losing Your Damn Mind

So I'm standing in my kitchen at like 6:15 in the morning, holding Leo who was maybe three weeks old at the time, wearing a pair of Dave's old flannel pajama pants and a maternity tank top that smelled profoundly...

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Dad looking shocked at a laptop screen after searching for sugar baby production instead of infant food facts.

The Night "Sugar Baby Production" Ruined My Search History

It's exactly 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and the glowing blue square of the baby monitor is showing me the night-vision outline of my eleven-month-old son doing something that looks suspiciously like a plank. He has been teething for what...

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Marcus looking confused at a basal body thermometer while holding a tiny bamboo blanket

Decoding the Spirit Baby: A Tech Dad's Unscientific Parenting Pivot

The smoke alarm in our Portland apartment started screaming at exactly 9:14 PM on a Tuesday, completely interrupting my attempt to build a predictive Python script for my wife’s basal body temperature. I leaped over the coffee table, ripped the...

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A messy toddler eating shredded smoked pork ribs on a bamboo blanket in the grass.

Toddlers and Smoked Baby Back Ribs: My Messy Survival Guide

It was the Fourth of July, 2021, and I was wearing a white linen Zara sundress because I'm apparently an idiot who likes to tempt fate. Leo was just barely fourteen months old, sitting in his high chair on the...

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A vintage plush dodo bird sitting safely on a high nursery shelf away from the baby crib

Why You Should Never Put a september 25th beanie baby in a Crib

It was 2017, it was roughly 3:14 in the morning, and I was wearing Dave’s old college track sweatshirt that had a mysterious, permanent yogurt stain right on the collar. Maya wasn't even a thought yet, and Leo was exactly...

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