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The chaotic truth about hunting down a May 11th beanie baby
Whatever you do, don't lie in the dark at two in the morning, covered in a thin but incredibly resilient layer of what I can only hope is regurgitated formula, fiercely battling a stranger on the internet for a stuffed...
Troubleshooting Baby Lip Ties: Why We Decided to Skip the Laser
At 3:14 AM on a Tuesday during month two, I was sitting in the dark glow of my dual monitors, logging our daughter's nursing "click" frequency into a Google Sheet. Click. Swallow. Click. Cry. Maya was in the bedroom, crying...
The kriss_baby_ leaks webcam scare: Why I tossed our monitor
My husband was standing in the hallway in his underwear at two in the morning, aggressively poking the back of our internet router with a bent paperclip while swearing under his breath. I was sitting on the floor of the...
The July 26 Beanie Baby Incident That Broke My Sanity
I'm currently on my hands and knees holding a pair of tweezers and a remarkably weak mobile phone torch in my mouth, desperately trying to extract a single plastic pellet from the gap between our original Victorian floorboards. Twin A...
How To Survive the Newborn Phase Without Losing Your Damn Mind
So I'm standing in my kitchen at like 6:15 in the morning, holding Leo who was maybe three weeks old at the time, wearing a pair of Dave's old flannel pajama pants and a maternity tank top that smelled profoundly...
The Night "Sugar Baby Production" Ruined My Search History
It's exactly 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and the glowing blue square of the baby monitor is showing me the night-vision outline of my eleven-month-old son doing something that looks suspiciously like a plank. He has been teething for what...
Decoding the Spirit Baby: A Tech Dad's Unscientific Parenting Pivot
The smoke alarm in our Portland apartment started screaming at exactly 9:14 PM on a Tuesday, completely interrupting my attempt to build a predictive Python script for my wifeβs basal body temperature. I leaped over the coffee table, ripped the...
Toddlers and Smoked Baby Back Ribs: My Messy Survival Guide
It was the Fourth of July, 2021, and I was wearing a white linen Zara sundress because I'm apparently an idiot who likes to tempt fate. Leo was just barely fourteen months old, sitting in his high chair on the...
Why You Should Never Put a september 25th beanie baby in a Crib
It was 2017, it was roughly 3:14 in the morning, and I was wearing Daveβs old college track sweatshirt that had a mysterious, permanent yogurt stain right on the collar. Maya wasn't even a thought yet, and Leo was exactly...