The Messy Truth About That Cry Baby Doll You're Thinking of Buying
Dear Jess from six months ago. You're currently standing in the middle of Target, heavily pregnant with number three, staring at a wall of wide-eyed, plastic toys in fuzzy animal onesies while convincing yourself this is the magic bullet for...
How The Rapper Baby Kaely Totally Changed My Digital Parenting
It was Tuesday at exactly 4:38 PM, which, if you've children, you know is the absolute worst time of day. The witching hour. My four-year-old, Maya, was actively crying because her string cheese was "too stringy," and I was standing...
Why my toddler's search for baby hotline lyrics gave me a heart attack
It's 6:13 AM on a Tuesday, and my left knee is submerged in what I can only hope is lukewarm porridge. Twin A, who I'm increasingly convinced is an agent of chaos sent to test my blood pressure, has somehow...
The Medical Reality of Buying Baby Headphones: A Nurse's Guide
We were sitting in row fourteen at my cousin's sangeet in Schaumburg when the bass from the dhol vibrated through the floorboards and straight up into my sternum. My daughter was barely three months old. I had my hands clamped...
My Humiliating Physics Lesson on Staircase Barriers
I was standing at the top of our fourteen-step Portland craftsman staircase holding a plastic tension rod barrier, a laser level, and a completely false sense of confidence. My wife, Sarah, paused on her way to the kitchen, shifting our...
Dear Past Tom: The Baby Dragon Evo Is Not A Wooden Toy
Dear Tom of six months ago. You're currently sitting on the kitchen floor at 6:13 AM, watching Maya meticulously paint the skirting boards with organic oat porridge while Lily tries to negotiate with a rogue Cheerio she found under the...
Raising A Brooklyn Baby Without Losing Your Mind Or Floor Space
Sitting on the floor of my sister's fourth-floor walk-up in Park Slope, I was aggressively sweating while trying to collapse a luxury stroller with one hand. I was holding a screaming six-month-old in the other. Someone in the apartment below...
The Burn Baby Burn Reality Check: Why Your Coffee is the Enemy
I'm currently standing in the exact centre of my kitchen, holding a mug of aggressively hot black coffee directly above my head like I'm presenting Simba to the animal kingdom, while two toddlers attempt to scale my pyjama trousers. This...
Did Simone Biles Have A Baby? Fake News & Intrusive Questions
My phone screen was the only source of light in the nursery, casting an eerie blue glow over Twin A's aggressively snotty face at fourteen minutes past three in the morning. I was trapped in that specific, hallucinatory layer of...