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A tired mom sitting on the living room floor keeping a large dog away from a newborn

How to Bring a Baby Home to Your Dog Without Losing Your Mind

I was sitting on my faux-Navajo living room rug, covered in sour milk spit-up, physically restraining my 70-pound mutt Buster by his collar while my newborn screamed in the bassinet, trying to mentally sort through the absolute circus of advice...

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11-month-oldbaby cryingbehaviorfatherhoodmillennialparenting humor
Tired dad holding a coffee mug while looking at his phone in a messy living room

Why The Viral Baby Crying Meme Hits Way Too Close to Home

It's 2:14 in the morning. I'm sitting in the dark in my living room, the blue light from my phone illuminating my deeply exhausted face. I'm looking at a viral post about a toddler who's completely losing his mind because...

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A dad scraping an old yellow diamond baby sign off a car window

The Surprising First Responder Truth About Baby On Board Stickers

My mom handed me the classic yellow diamond at my wife's baby shower, saying it would force aggressive Portland drivers to stop tailgating our Subaru. Two days later, my father-in-law told me to throw it directly in the trash because...

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A newborn baby orca swimming next to its mother in the ocean

Debugging the Pod: Why a Baby Orca is the Best Parenting Blueprint

I'm sitting in the dark at 3:14 AM, watching a nature documentary on mute while my 11-month-old attempts to gnaw off my left collarbone. He's wide awake, absolutely vibrating with energy, while I'm mentally calculating how many minutes of REM...

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Baby Leo wearing soft cotton overalls sitting on a messy living room rug with coffee

The Truth About Baby Overalls (And Why I Was Totally Wrong)

It was October 2017, and I was standing in the microscopic, dimly lit bathroom of a neighborhood cafΓ© wearing a silk blouse I had absolutely no business wearing as a new mother, staring down at my six-month-old daughter Maya who...

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A tired dad staring into a brightly lit refrigerator in a dark kitchen holding a bag of carrots

Midnight fridge audits and the great baby carrots recall panic

It was exactly 11:42 PM on a Tuesday when I found myself knee-deep in the bottom drawer of the fridge, clutching a flashlight between my teeth like a cat burglar who specialises exclusively in stealing root vegetables. The twins were...

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Messy living room floor with baby blankets, a red nightlight, and teething toys scattered around.

Baby By Justin Bieber: From Pop Song To Real Parenting

It was 3 AM, the house was entirely silent except for the hum of our busted AC unit, and I was desperately trying not to drop my firstborn child. Hunter was screaming like I had personally offended him by offering...

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A tiny breast pump motor sitting on a desk next to digital calipers and tubing

The Baby Buddha Breast Pump: A Dad’s Guide to Troubleshooting

It was 3 AM, and I was holding a pair of digital calipers, trying to measure my wife's nipples to the exact millimeter while she glared at me from the edge of the bed. This isn't exactly how I pictured...

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Mom holding television remote away from her infant son on a playmat

Why Looking Up Movies For Your Infant Son Is A Terrible Idea

My phone buzzed at two in the morning during a particularly brutal night feed last week. It was a text from my cousin in Seattle, containing a screenshot of a Hulu search page and a question about whether a specific...

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