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Why OPI Baby Take A Vow Is The Only Polish Surviving My Chaos
I was 38 weeks pregnant with my oldest, sitting on the cold tile of my bathroom floor because reaching my toes was a logistical impossibility, attempting to paint my fingernails a color called something ridiculous like "Neon Midnight." It was...
The Baby Heart Rate Gender Myth: Twin Dad Survives The Scan
The room at Guyβs Hospital was aggressively dim, smelling faintly of antibacterial wipes and the specific, cold terror of impending parenthood. My wife was lying on the examination table with a generous dollop of freezing blue gel smeared across her...
Baby J DJ Drama: Surviving Loud Wedding Dance Floors
I was huddled in the damp corner of a rustic wedding barn outside Austin, vibrating. And I don't mean figuratively. The bass from the DJ's speakers was physically shaking the cheap folding chair I was sitting on while I desperately...
My Glitchy Attempt at Sci-Fi Parenting With an 11-Month-Old
My guildmate on Discord told me to just slap on a noise-canceling headset and game while the baby slept on my chest. My mother-in-law insisted the ambient 5G from the Wi-Fi router was actively rearranging his aura. And a random...
What the Baby Goku Parenting Debate Actually Means for Us
The blue light from the television was illuminating a fresh patch of spit-up on the couch cushions. It was two in the morning. My husband was sitting cross-legged on the rug, and our toddler was wedged between his knees, furiously...
How We Debugged Baby Girl Shower Themes Without Pink Glitter
I was holding a plastic tiara that smelled strongly of volatile organic compounds, staring down an aisle that looked like a flamingo had spontaneously combusted. My wife was twenty-nine weeks pregnant with our first baby, currently asleep in the passenger...
How to choose a baby gift without getting blocked on WhatsApp
I'm currently standing in my narrow London hallway holding a four-foot-tall plush giraffe that aggressively blares a tinny version of 'It's a Small World' whenever you look at it funny. It's Tuesday morning, my two-year-old twin girls are currently screaming...
Dear Tom: The Truth About Baby Games Online and Screen Time
Dear Tom from exactly six months ago, I know precisely where you're right now, mostly because I can still feel the lingering trauma in my left shoulder. You're huddled by Gate 42 at Gatwick Airport, sweating profusely through a shirt...
Why That Motorized Baby G Wagon Almost Ruined My Tuesday
It was 9:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was wearing a pair of yoga pants that had lost their elasticity sometime around the Obama administration, sprinting down our gently sloping driveway while screaming at my four-year-old son, Leo. He...