The Autocomplete Trap And Keeping Kids Off The Weird Internet
My phone slipped out of my hand and hit the kitchen tile at exactly 2:14 p.m. yesterday. I was trying to type baby doll into a search bar to find a birthday gift for my niece. The internet, in its...
The Ultimate Survival Guide For Your First Baby Driver Car Experience
The asphalt in the hospital parking lot was basically melting my flip-flops, and I was sitting in a wheelchair sobbing while my husband wrestled with a massive hunk of grey plastic. It was July in rural Texas. Jackson, our firstborn,...
The 3 AM Plastic Crisis & The Truth About Baby Einstein Toys
It was 3:17 in the morning, November 2017, and I was wearing my husband Dave's oversized college sweatpants with an unidentified gray stain on the knee. I was doing that frantic, desperate bounce-sway dance with my four-month-old daughter Maya, who...
Searching for a Baby Girl Film? Read This First
My mom swears that propping me up in front of a Little Mermaid VHS was the only way she survived cooking dinner in 1993, my mother-in-law acts like a single tablet glow will instantly short-circuit a child's brain, and my...
The Terrifying Two-Hour Rule That Changed My Entire Parenting Paradigm
I was literally elbow-deep in the darkest, crumb-filled recesses of our gray sectional sofa, wearing my zombie-apocalypse sweatpants that had a questionable yogurt stain on the knee, while my daughter Maya was happily rolling around on the rug. She was...
Welcome to the Baby Baby Baby Echo Chamber of Twin Parenting
I was standing in our galley kitchen at 4:13 in the morning, holding an electric kettle that I hadn't bothered to plug in, staring blankly at the wall while a rhythmic, pulsing chant echoed from the monitor clipped to my...
The truth about baby aspirin for dogs: a total system failure
Dear Marcus of six months ago. You're currently standing barefoot on the cold hexagon tiles of the upstairs bathroom, and the clock on your phone says it's 2:14 AM. Your golden retriever, Barnaby, is whining rhythmically and favoring his front...
Stop misusing aquaphor baby healing ointment on rashes
I slathered a thick layer of petroleum jelly onto my daughter's wet, bright red bottom at three in the morning thinking it would act like a fire blanket. I was entirely wrong. By the time the sun came up, her...
The Hilarious and Messy Truth About Raising a Cute Anime Baby
I was standing in my kitchen at two in the morning, aggressively peeling a sweaty, bright yellow, 100% polyester Pikachu costume off my screaming eight-month-old while the ending theme of some intense action show blared from the living room TV....