Raising Kids With True Grit: A Normal Mom’s Take on Nepotism Babies
Three years ago, I marched right into the office of our local Methodist preschool, smiled at the director, and shamelessly dropped my grandmother’s name to bump my oldest kid to the top of their two-year-long waitlist. I didn't even blink....
The absolute panic of your newborn's soft spot (and why it's fine)
I was sweating profusely in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon, holding a tiny striped jumper like it was an unexploded World War II bomb I had just unearthed in the garden. Twin A lay on the changing mat, completely...
Why a baby cast and an indie film is a terrible Friday night
It's 8:14 PM on a Friday, and my left hand is currently bonded to a Tupperware container of rapidly hardening purple alginate, while Rachel Sennott has a full-blown panic attack on my television screen. My wife is desperately trying to...
The Ping Requests: Why Your Infant Knows When You Grab The Device
It's 3:17 AM here in Portland. The rain is doing that annoying misty thing against the window where it doesn't quite sound like rain, just a low-level static. I've my 11-month-old daughter in my left arm. I've a bottle of...
Why That Megan Fox Post-Baby Appearance Made Me Lose My Mind
The glowing numbers on the microwave read 3:14 AM, which I know because I had just logged a massive diaper blowout into our shared baby app using my left thumb while suspending my screaming four-month-old over the sink with my...
The Terrifying Bobblehead Phase: Babies Holding Their Heads Up
My mother-in-law was holding Florence, who was precisely eighteen days old at the time, when she decided to gesture wildly with both hands while telling a long-winded story about a rogue fox in her garden. For three horrifying seconds, Florence’s...
What An Overdue Celebrity Baby Taught My Debugging Brain
The time was 3:14 AM, and the only sound in our Portland apartment was the rhythmic, aggressive squeak of a purple yoga ball against the hardwood floor. My wife was violently bouncing on it, trying to physically dislodge our stubbornly...
The Kelce Taylor Baby Trend and What Postpartum Really Takes
My phone was vibrating violently against the armrest while I attempted to balance a screaming two-week-old on my forearm like a very angry, leaky football. On the cracked screen were three unread messages offering wildly contradictory instructions on how to...
I Love You Baby and If It's Quite Alright: A Portland Dad's Log
The humidifier is casting this eerie blue glow across the floorboards, it's 3:14 AM, and I'm currently swaying like a broken grandfather clock. My brain's cache is completely empty, and the only file I can seem to retrieve from my...