Magazine

A tired pregnant woman looking at a stack of blank baby shower envelopes

The 2 AM Envelope Meltdown and Other Baby Shower Realities

It was exactly 11:43 PM on a Tuesday, and I was sitting on my living room rug wearing my husband’s stained college sweatpants, aggressively stress-eating cold leftover macaroni and cheese out of a Tupperware container. Spread out around me were...

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A tired dad holding a pen over a blank baby shower card next to a laptop.

Debugging Baby Shower Messages: A Clueless Dad's Before and After

It's 11:14 PM, the nursery thermostat is locked exactly at 69.5 degrees because my wife insists that's the good sleep environment, and I'm staring at a blank piece of cardstock. The baby monitor on my desk looks like a paranormal...

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Pregnant woman sitting under an umbrella at an outdoor baby shower looking overheated

The brutal truth about picking baby shower places in the summer

It was ninety-four degrees in the Lincoln Park Conservatory when I realized my sister-in-law had made a terrible mistake. She had booked a corner of the botanical garden for my baby shower because the natural lighting filtering through the glass...

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Confused dad looking at a smartphone while holding a tiny baby sock.

Dear Past Marcus: Please Stop Overcomplicating the Baby Registry

You're currently sweating through your vintage Timbers hoodie, keeping nineteen browser tabs open, hovering your cursor over an "Add to Cart" button for a Bluetooth-enabled diaper pail. I need you to step away from the keyboard. It's me. Future Marcus....

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Pregnant mother looking exhausted sitting near a pile of pink baby shower decorations

Surviving the pink tulle trap of modern girl baby showers

I was exactly twenty-eight weeks pregnant, sitting on the floor of my Chicago apartment, surrounded by three garbage bags of neon pink tulle. My mother-in-law had just left after proudly declaring my upcoming baby show would be a princess paradise....

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A dad holding a tape measure at a potential baby shower venue in a modern cafe.

Debugging Baby Shower Venues: A Portland Dad's Honest Breakdown

My mother-in-law cornered me by the fridge to say the party absolutely had to happen in a formal tea room with finger sandwiches and little forks. Two hours later, my lead developer sent a Slack message insisting we just host...

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Pregnant woman in a relaxed pink wrap dress at a baby shower

How to Pick a Pink Baby Shower Dress Without Losing Your Mind

I was standing in the middle of a Texas roadhouse bathroom in July, six and a half months pregnant with my oldest, trying to peel a blush-pink polyester maxi dress off my damp skin so I could pee for the...

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Confused dad looking at a massive spreadsheet of baby registry items

What Is A Baby Shower (And Why I Was Totally Wrong About Them)

I'm currently staring at a spreadsheet I built eleven months ago titled Baby_Shower_V1_Final.xlsx. My original strategy for figuring out what's a baby shower was to treat it like a vendor procurement meeting. I thought we could just email our friends...

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A dad holding up a tiny baby shower outfit looking entirely confused.

What to wear to a baby shower when nothing fits (a survival guide)

Sarah was wedged inside a floral maternity dress that had, seemingly overnight, transformed from breezy summer elegance into a highly restrictive sausage casing. It was mid-July, she was thirty-two weeks pregnant with the twins, and our own baby shower was...

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