Magazine

baby toyshumournursery decororganic cottontwinsUK
A tired dad holding a silicone cow teether in a London flat

How I Survived the Great Highland Cow Baby Obsession of 2024

I'm currently sitting in the corner of a semi-detached flat in Zone 3 London, making intense eye contact with a six-foot plush Scottish bovine. It has more hair than I do, takes up roughly the same square footage as a...

Read more

babyburnoutparenting humorrelationshipstwins
Dad holding twin girls while listening to Daniel Caesar in a messy London flat

The Reality of the Have A Baby With Me Daniel Caesar Lyrics

I was on my hands and knees in our South London flat, using a blunt butter knife to chisel hardened Weetabix off the skirting board, when Spotify’s algorithm decided to serve up a heavy dose of R&B. The song sounded...

Read more

nature learningoutdoorparenting humorsafe playtwin dadtwins
A toddler staring very intensely at a patch of grass in the garden.

What to do when your toddler finds a bird in the garden

It was a Tuesday afternoon, roughly forty-five minutes before I usually cave and put the television on, when Florence trotted up to me holding what appeared to be a very angry, moldy tennis ball. She deposited it directly onto my...

Read more

fourth trimesternewbornorganic cottonparenting humortwinsUK
An exhausted dad sitting on a sofa looking at two swaddled newborns.

Dear Tom: A guide to surviving the very weird baby alien phase

Dear Tom, You're currently sitting on the edge of a spectacularly uncomfortable plastic mattress in the maternity ward at St Thomas' Hospital, staring into a perspex box containing two squirming, purple, vernix-covered creatures. They look less like the cherubic infants...

Read more

apparelorganic cottonparenting humourtoddlertwin dadtwins
Toddlers wearing durable boys apparel at a chaotic soft play centre

The Soft Play Disaster That Made Me Buy Boys Apparel For Twins

The static electricity in the ball pit at Pirate Pete’s Soft Play in Croydon was strong enough to power a small electric vehicle. I know this because my two-year-old twin daughters, Maya and Zoe, were currently trapped inside it, looking...

Read more

baby showerbaby shower giftsorganic cottontwinsUK
A bewildered dad holding a tiny impractical baby outfit while toddlers create chaos.

An Honest Letter to Past Tom About the Best Baby Shower Gifts

I'm currently staring at a cashmere baby cardigan roughly the size of a teacup, aggressively regretting my life choices. My mate Dave’s gathering is tomorrow afternoon, and I'm writing this as a therapeutic exercise directed entirely at my past selfβ€”specifically...

Read more

90s nostalgiainfant healthparenthoodparenting humoursafetwins
Dad staring blankly at television while twin toddlers destroy the living room

When The Baby-Sitters Club Makes You Question Your Parenting

I was wedged between the living room radiator and a pile of inexplicably sticky building blocks at 5:43 AM on a Tuesday when it happened. Twin A was aggressively gumming a slightly stale rice cake, Twin B was trying to...

Read more

budgetbudgetingparenthoodsustainabletwinsUK
A tired dad trying to read estate planning paperwork while twin toddlers dismantle the living room

Dear Past Tom: The Actual Trust Fund Baby Meaning (63 chars)

Dear Tom from exactly six months ago, You're currently sitting in a solicitor’s waiting room in zone 3, trying to peel a smashed Rice Krispie square off a faux-leather chair before Mr. Henderson comes out to discuss your estate. Twin...

Read more

behaviorhumorParenting GuidetoddlertwinsUK
A tired dad holding a toddler who is aggressively wielding a wooden toy

What Is Love Baby Dont Hurt Me: Toddlers & 90s Dance Anthems

It's 6:43 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm currently bleeding quite profusely from the bridge of my nose while mentally reviewing the Billboard Hot 100 charts from 1993. My left eye is watering. My dignity left the building sometime during...

Read more