My Late Night Freakout Over Purple Lacy Skin and What I Know Now
It was October 2017, and my daughter Maya was exactly eleven days old. I remember this specifically because I was wearing an oversized grey nursing tank that I hadn't washed since we left the hospital, and I had a half-empty...
The Messy, Exhausting Truth About Buying Newborn Baby Clothes
I was staring at a literal miniature three-piece tweed suit. It had suspenders. A bow tie. It was hung on a tiny velvet hanger in my freshly painted nursery, and I remember standing there, holding a lukewarm cup of coffee...
What Happens When You Look Up Nothing's Gonna Hurt You Baby Lyrics
It was 3:17 AM on a Tuesday, and I was wearing my husband Dave's oversized grey college hoodie that smelled faintly of old garlic and desperation. Leo, who was about six months old at the time, was screaming with the...
Raising An Honest Baby: The Myth That Is Driving Us Absolutely Mad
I'm standing in aisle nine at the grocery store, holding a wailing 18-month-old on my left hip while aggressively squinting at the microscopic font on the back of a lotion bottle. The cart wheel is squeaking, my back is sweating,...
Stat Baby Boyfriend: Surviving The Newborn Phase Together
It was 2:14 in the morning and my shoulder was covered in something that smelled like old yogurt. Our baby boy was doing that silent, terrifying breath-holding thing that happens right before a lung-shattering scream. My boyfriend was standing in...
Googling Lil Baby The Leaks Album During A 3AM Diaper Blowout
I was standing barefoot in the dark hallway at 3:14 AM, holding my youngest kid away from my body like he was a ticking bomb. Baby T had just managed to produce a mustard-colored blowout so completely catastrophic that it...
The Complete Jelly Baby Survival Guide For Overthinking Dads
Dear Marcus from six months ago. Itβs me, future Marcus. Our kid is 11 months old now, and I know exactly what you're doing. You're currently standing in aisle four of the Hawthorne Fred Meyer at 9:15 PM, holding a...
Late Night TV, DNA & Is Will The Father Of Luna's Baby
Dear Marcus from exactly six months ago: You're currently sitting on the blue exercise ball in the middle of our living room, bouncing precisely 62 times a minute in the dark. It's 3:14 AM, the baby is five months old,...
The Real Truth About How To Make Baby Villagers Grow Faster
Last Tuesday at 3:14 AM, the ambient temperature in my living room was exactly 68.4 degrees, I was running on four hours of deeply fragmented sleep, and I was aggressively throwing virtual carrots at a digital infant. I was desperately...