The Great Lil Baby Height Panic: A Dad's Late Night Mistakes
The metal tape measure snapped back with the terrifying velocity of a striking cobra, narrowly missing my left eye and causing Twin B to shriek with such piercing intensity that the neighbour's dog immediately began howling in sympathy. It was...
Why Searching Baby Dolls Dallas Is A Hilarious Parenting Mistake
Texas, for those who haven't had the pleasure of dragging a jet-lagged toddler through it, is less a state and more an ongoing experiment in aggressive air conditioning. We were staying in an Airbnb that smelled faintly of cinnamon and...
The Honest Dad's Guide to Surviving the Baby Beach
At exactly 8:14 AM last Tuesday, I found myself standing at the edge of the dunes in West Sussex, carrying three oversized tote bags, a cooler, a parasol, and two shrieking two-year-old girls who had just discovered that wind exists....
Watching Three Men And A Baby At 3AM Will Not Calm Your Nerves
Dear Tom of six months ago. You're currently sitting on the sofa in the pitch dark. It's 3:14 AM. You have one twin asleep on your left shoulder, drooling a thick, milky substance onto your only clean t-shirt, and the...
Note to past Tom: Getting the baby brezza sterilizer sorted
Dear Tom of six months ago, It's currently 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I know exactly what you're doing. You're standing in the kitchen in your oversized grey joggers, staring bleary-eyed into a rolling boil of tap water on...
Carrying His Babies Stealing His Heart: Expecting Twins Reality
I was sitting in the dark at 3 a.m., trying to keep my eyes open while my son aggressively refused to sleep. The breast pump was making a mechanical wheezing sound that I swear had a syncopated rhythm to it....
What I Wish I Knew About Raising Your Very Own Human Baby Sloth
Dear Tom of exactly six months ago, You're currently hiding in the downstairs loo while the kettle boils, pressing your forehead against the cold tiles. It's 3:14 am. Twin A has refused to be put down since Tuesday, and Twin...
The 'I Had a Baby Without You Dailymotion' Solo Parent Truth
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was covered in a highly suspicious layer of what I stubbornly told myself was only pureed sweet potato. Twin A was asleep on my chest, breathing with the heavy, damp rattle...
Why I ruined bedtime with that viral Million Dollar Baby song
I was crouching behind the living room sofa, my phone balanced precariously on a half-empty packet of water wipes, waiting for the heavy bass to drop. The plan was incredibly simple. I'd film Florence and Matilda in their breakfast-stained sleepsuits,...