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My toxic relationship with that glowing Baby Einstein aquarium
It's 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in November. I'm standing barefoot in the hallway, wearing a stained nursing tank that I still haven't washed even though my son Leo is three and Maya is eight months old, and I'm practically...
Why baby dolls took over my flat (and what the science says)
I'm currently staring at a small, disembodied plastic leg poking out from beneath our sofa. It belongs to ‘Baby Susan’, a doll who has suffered more blunt force trauma in the past three weeks than an amateur rugby player. If...
The Real Story Behind Keeping Your Kid Alive in the Backseat
The discharge nurse was watching me. We were on level three of the Northwestern Memorial parking garage, the Chicago wind was howling through the concrete pillars, and my husband was weeping silently while trying to wrestle a five-pound infant into...
The Absurd Reality of Handing Your Infant a Rack of Baby Back Ribs
I'm sitting across the dining table watching one of my six-month-old twin daughters hold a massive, grease-slicked pork bone in her tiny, dimpled fist. She is gnawing on it with the intense, primal focus of a prehistoric hunter who has...
The ugly truth about that baby alive doll hiding in your playroom
I'm standing over my kitchen sink at eleven at night with a pair of surgical tweezers, trying to extract a solid black clump of fermented synthetic cherry mush from the plastic esophagus of a toy. This is not how I...
Surviving The Ash Baby Look And Other Sweaty Newborn Disasters
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was staring at Leo under the harsh bathroom vanity light, wearing a nursing bra that smelled aggressively of sour milk and my husband Dave's oversized college sweatpants. Leo was three weeks...
The 3am Accutane Baby Panic: Skincare, Pregnancy, and Paranoia
The bathroom tiles were freezing against my bare legs, but the cold barely registered because I was staring at two things: a plastic stick with two faint pink lines, and a half-empty tube of prescription acne cream. It was 3:17...
The Great Plastic Illusion: A Dad's Guide to Baby Bottles
I was holding a six-month-old plastic bottle up to the harsh LED light of my kitchen exhaust hood at two in the morning when I realized something was terribly wrong. Next to it on the counter sat a brand new...
What Is a Rainbow Baby? The Beautiful, Messy, Anxious Reality
I was standing in the wildly unflattering fluorescent lighting of a Buc-ee's bathroom off I-35 when I saw the two pink lines. My oldest, who's a walking cautionary tale of why you shouldn't let a toddler eat a powdered donut...