Magazine
What I Wish I Knew About Oatmeal Baths Before Destroying Our Tub
Dear Jess of six months ago: you're currently standing over the hall bathroom tub with a metal kitchen strainer, crying while trying to fish soggy, bloated breakfast oats out of the drain before your husband realizes you've destroyed the plumbing...
Nuclear Bomb vs Coughing Baby: A Late Night Letter to Myself
Dear Jess from six months ago. You're currently sitting on the cold, cheap linoleum of the master bathroom with the shower running on full-blast hot, peeling the beige wallpaper right off the drywall while you rock a sweaty, angry six-month-old...
Normal Baby Weight at Birth: A Letter to My Terrified Past Self
Dear Tom from six months ago. You're currently hiding in the downstairs loo at a family barbecue, trying to field questions from your brother-in-law about what constitutes a normal baby weight. His wife is being induced on Tuesday, and you're...
The Messy Truth About Surviving Your Baby's First Rhinovirus
I was sitting in the dark in my rocking chair at three in the morning, holding a six-month-old who sounded exactly like a broken coffee percolator. Snot was literally bubbling out of his left nostril with every breath. My oldest...
Surviving Rick James Give It To Me Baby At A Texas Barn Wedding
I was elbow-deep in a lukewarm plate of wedding brisket when the DJ decided it was time to pivot from the polite dinner music directly into the heavy hitters. You know the exact moment I’m talking about. The twinkle lights...
Rihanna New Baby: What Having Three Under Four Actually Means
I was standing in line at the local H-E-B last week with a cart full of clearance diapers and a toddler actively licking the shopping cart handle, when the cashier decided to lean over and tell me I really needed...
The Ring Sling Baby Carrier: Debugging My Tactical Gear Fail
I was standing by the open door of our so-called baby car, getting rained on, holding what looked like the harness system for a parachute jump. It was a highly engineered, military-grade baby carrier. I had researched it for weeks....
Why a Roblox Baby Search Terrified Me Out of Digital Parenting
It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and my 11-month-old daughter was systematically attempting to pry the escape key off my mechanical keyboard while I desperately searched for a digital distraction. I just needed ten minutes of peace to drink...
Dear Past Tom: The Roblox Pill Baby is Not What You Think
You're currently standing in the kitchen, holding a half-eaten, slightly tepid fish finger, staring at your nine-year-old nephew, Leo. He has just wandered in from the living room, barely looking up from his iPad, to casually ask if he can...