Magazine
When Can You Hear Baby Heartbeat Without Losing Your Mind
It's 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm lying flat on the cold hexagonal tiles of my master bathroom floor, wearing a pair of maternity leggings that are already too tight even though I’m only nine weeks pregnant, and my...
Lil baby wham tour: why a rap concert is not a pediatric milestone
I was sitting in the dark at three in the morning, covered in something sticky that I was praying was just spit-up, watching search results populate on my glowing phone screen. Half the mothers in my local Chicago moms group...
When You Google 'Sorry Baby' Showtimes Looking for Toddler Entertai...
It was 6:43 PM on a Tuesday, which in this house we affectionately refer to as the witching hour, and my oldest had just colored the dog’s tail with a blue Sharpie. I was elbows-deep in a sink full of...
The absolute panic of your newborn's soft spot (and why it's fine)
I was sweating profusely in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon, holding a tiny striped jumper like it was an unexploded World War II bomb I had just unearthed in the garden. Twin A lay on the changing mat, completely...
The Skai Jackson Baby Drama: A Dad's Take on Postpartum Stress
My mom told me to just keep the vibes good around our newborn to prevent her from becoming a fussy toddler. My wife's postpartum doula gently suggested that negative maternal energy literally alters an infant's cellular structure in real-time. And...
Why I eventually surrendered to similac baby formula at 3 am
I was aggressively shaking a plastic bottle at three in the morning when the lid shot off like a champagne cork. White sticky fluid coated my glasses, the kitchen counter, and my golden retriever, who immediately started licking the cabinets....
The Real Signs of Ear Infection in Baby (And What to Ignore)
I'm just gonna be real with you—if I had a dollar for every time my mother-in-law gasped and said, "Oh, he's tugging his ear, it's an infection!" I could have paid off my student loans by now. When my oldest,...
Siberian Husky Baby Survival Guide for Clueless New Parents
I'm currently looking at a spreadsheet I built at three in the morning. It tracks the decibel level of my 11-month-old's cry plotted against the response time of our 60-pound sled dog, Apollo. Apollo is currently staring at a blank...
The reality of raising millennial Shrek babies in a modern world
My mother-in-law cornered me in the kitchen last week to tell me that if I let my toddler watch animated ogres, he'll develop aggressive tendencies and start throwing onions at the dog. Ten minutes later, my millennial best friend texted...