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Decoding the Relentless Midnight Screams of Your Tiny Human
It’s 3:14 in the morning and both twins are vibrating with the kind of acoustic violence usually reserved for heavy metal festivals. I'm standing in the dark, rocking on my heels in a rhythm that has permanently damaged my lower...
Surviving the baby shark song without losing your entire mind
Dear Priya from six months ago. You're currently sitting in the pediatric ICU breakroom, eating a stale protein bar, pregnant, smug, and swearing your future child will only listen to classical music and ambient nature sounds. I need you to...
What I got totally wrong about the baby monitor as a pediatric nurse
It's three in the morning and I'm digitally zooming in on a pixelated chest, holding my own breath to see if my son is taking his. I spent five years on the pediatric floor at a Chicago hospital, managing central...
The Reality Of Raising Kids And Baby Boomers
There I was on a Tuesday afternoon, up to my elbows in puréed peas, trying to keep the twins from using our poor golden retriever as a step stool, when my mom walked through the back door holding a drop-side...
Dear Past Marcus: You Need a Baby Bjorn Bouncer Immediately
Past Marcus, it's me. You from six months in the future. You're currently standing in the kitchen of our Portland apartment at 3:14 AM. The baby is five weeks old. It's raining outside, obviously. You're trying to rock him while...
So, What Is a Nepo Baby? A Parent's Guide to Everyday Privilege
It was 8:15 AM on a Saturday, pouring rain, and I was standing on the sidelines of Maya’s under-8 soccer tryouts in my embarrassingly pill-y 2018 black Target leggings. You know, the ones that have a weird bleach stain shaped...
Surviving the Dave Ramsey Baby Steps With Three Under Five
I was sitting on the nursery floor at 2:14 AM with my oldest, staring at a $400 emergency room bill for what turned out to be entirely normal teething pain, when I realized we were financially drowning. He was screaming,...
Surviving the 6pm Meltdown: A Very Tired Dad's Guide to Colic
The absolute worst thing you can do at 6:13 PM on a Tuesday, when your infant begins their nightly impersonation of a faulty car alarm, is to load up YouTube on your phone, prop it against a cold cup of...
The Great Registry Meltdown and the Weird Return of Buybuy Baby
I was twenty-four weeks pregnant, sitting in the sweltering heat of my Ford F-150 outside a suburban strip mall, ugly crying into a half-eaten sleeve of saltines. It was July in Texas, my ankles had officially merged with my calves,...