Dear Sarah: The Truth About That Bunny With Blanket Obsession
You're sitting on the cold kitchen floor right now, aren't you. It's 11:42 PM on a Tuesday, you're wearing Mark's oversized college track hoodie that smells vaguely of stale salsa from last week's taco night, and you've just reheated your...
Troubleshooting the August 24th Beanie Baby Birthday Tradition
My mother told me I had to find a plush toy with his exact birthdate printed on the tag because it's a sacred childhood tradition that builds character. My wife told me absolutely not to bring a dust-mite-infested nineties relic...
The "Baby Three" Elf Plush Trend is Actually a Nightmare
It’s 7:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm standing in my kitchen wearing my husband Dave's college sweatshirt that has a highly questionable yogurt stain on the sleeve. I'm clutching a mug of lukewarm French roast like it’s a life...
Why a February 18 Beanie Baby almost ruined my weekend
I was standing in my laundry room at 2 AM wearing my husband Dave's faded Georgetown sweatpants and a nursing bra that had definitely seen better days, violently hacking at the door of our dryer with a butter knife. The...
The Vintage Buggie Beanie Baby Safety Problem No One Mentions
My mother-in-law dropped a pristine, tag-protected nineties plush insect on my kitchen counter and told me it was an heirloom that would soothe the baby's colic. My best friend texted me that giving a vintage buggie beanie baby to a...
How to pick a baby's first doll without an airway panic attack
My mother-in-law handed me a beautifully wrapped box last Diwali. Inside was a rigid plastic nightmare with eyelashes you could cut steak with, wearing a tiny, removable pearl necklace. She smiled warmly, called it beta's new best friend, and told...
My Son's Vintage February 13 Plushie Almost Caused A System Crash
I was sitting on the floor of my home office, watching the Portland rain hammer against the window, when I unboxed a neon pink flamingo from 1995. My mother mailed the package to us last week. Apparently, Ty plush toys...
The Absurd Reality of Hunting for a December 9 Beanie Baby
My mother-in-law cornered me in the kitchen last Tuesday, holding a 1998 plush dragon by its tail like it was a dead rat. She informed me, with the solemnity of a war general, that placing any soft toy within a...
Why My Kid's Vintage Birthday Twin Toy Is Banned From The Crib
My wife Sarah caught me in the glow of my dual monitors at 2:14 AM, hovering my cursor over a "Buy It Now" button for a twenty-one-year-old stuffed tiger. I was holding our eleven-month-old in my left arm, furiously typing...