The ultimate teething necklace for mum (and dad's collarbone)
It's exactly 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, the ambient temperature of the nursery is locked at 68.5 degrees, and I'm sweating entirely through my vintage Portland Timbers t-shirt. The baby is currently thrashing in my arms, his fingernails digging into...
The 11-month beta test of our bamboo crib blanket
3:14 AM. The Nanit camera app says the nursery is exactly 69.4 degrees, but when I reach into the bassinet, my daughter's neck feels like a laptop running too many Chrome tabs. She's sticky. She's thrashing. She's three months old...
Dear Past Me: The Truth About Globuli Zahnen Baby Nightmares
Dear Jess of last November. You're currently sitting on the cold linoleum of the downstairs bathroom at 3:14 AM. You have a twenty-pound toddler balanced on your left hip, who's screaming hot fire directly into your collarbone, and in your...
Dear Past Priya: What I Wish I Knew About Teething
You're standing in the kitchen right now. It's 3:17 in the morning. Your favorite gray t-shirt is soaked in an alarming amount of drool, and you're aggressively scrolling through your phone with one thumb while bouncing a screaming six-month-old on...
Why Authentic Baby Band Tees Are a Terrible Idea for Your Kid
I'm currently trying to peel a rigid, stark-black AC/DC onesie off a thrashing toddler in the disabled toilet of a Wetherspoons, and I can definitively confirm that novelty infant apparel is an elaborate trap. The garment in question was gifted...
The Truth About That Stuffed Animal Blanket (And Why You Need Three)
It's 2017. I'm wearing a maternity tank top that smells distinctly like sour milk, standing in the middle of a Target parking lot in the pouring rain, digging through the trunk of my Subaru while my husband holds a screaming...
Pädagogisches Spielzeug ab 1 Jahr: A British Dad's Guide
It's exactly 5:43 in the morning, four days after the twins’ first birthday party, and I'm sitting on the living room rug staring at a plastic farm animal that has been singing the same off-key rendition of 'Old MacDonald' for...
The Real Deal With Baby Swaddling And Escaping The Burrito Phase
It was 3:00 AM, and my oldest son Jackson looked like a very angry, heavily perspiring tamale. I was sitting on the nursery floor trying to wrestle him into a thick, quilted heirloom blanket my grandma insisted was the only...
The Engineering of Bib Safety and Dishwasher Survival Protocols
My mother-in-law told me to just tie a cloth napkin around his neck because "that's what we did in the eighties." A guy on the r/daddit subreddit swore by stripping his kid down to a diaper and hosing him off...