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Exhausted dad sitting on a yoga mat surrounded by baby toys and twin girls

The Humiliating Reality of Trying Baby Yoga With Twins

I'm currently lying on a foam mat that smells faintly of damp digestive biscuits and municipal floor cleaner in a drafty church hall in Hackney. The instructor, a woman named Serenity who's wearing linen trousers that look entirely too comfortable...

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An exhausted dad staring blankly at a crying baby in a dimly lit living room

When your baby won't stop crying and the manuals are useless

It's 4:13 AM, and I'm bouncing on a grey exercise ball in the middle of my living room, clutching Florence, who's currently emitting a sound I can only describe as a fire engine trapped inside a very angry cat. Matilda,...

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A small acoustic guitar next to some scattered soft rubber building blocks

The Truth About Buying a Baby Taylor Guitar for Kids

I'm currently watching roughly three hundred and fifty quid’s worth of solid Sitka spruce being used as a battering ram against my Ikea coffee table. My twin daughters, who possess the combined destructive power of a small localized tornado, have...

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A toddler's legs standing in tall garden grass

The Day My Toddler Tried to Befriend a Venomous Garden Reptile

My left boot was entirely submerged in a rather grim Devonshire puddle when I realised the funny green stick Florence was aggressively waving at her sister possessed eyes. It's a very specific type of adrenaline that hits you when you're...

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A stressed father pulling a toddler away from a very confused pigeon in a London park

The Cutest Baby Animals Myth: Why Toddlers Are Wildlife Menaces

My left hand is currently clamped around the collar of a toddler who's vibrating with the intense, terrifying desire to strangle a squirrel with pure love. We're in St. James’s Park, it's raining, and I'm actively disproving the greatest myth...

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Exhausted dad staring at two screaming newborn twins on a play mat

The newborn enchanting phase is mostly just exhaustion and bodily f...

It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, or possibly a Thursday, and I was lying flat on my back on the living room rug, holding a black-and-white card depicting a heavily stylized badger. I was holding this badger approximately ten...

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A close up of a gateron baby kangaroo mechanical switch next to a baby pacifier

My 3AM Encounter With The Notorious Gateron Baby Kangaroo

It sounded like a particularly brittle beetle being crushed under a Wellington boot, but the sharp, piercing pain shooting directly up into my left heel suggested something far more synthetic. It was 3:17 AM. I was halfway across the living...

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A pregnant woman laughing on a sofa while avoiding terrible party activities.

Brilliant Baby Shower Game Ideas That Won't Make Guests Flee

I'm sitting on a terribly uncomfortable velvet pouf in a semi-detached house in Richmond, watching my wife—who's thirty-four weeks pregnant with twins and currently harboring the pelvic stability of a Jenga tower in an earthquake—pretend she enjoys sniffing a nappy...

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Exhausted dad holding two toddlers while one wears a plastic tiara

Raising a Baby Queen: The Brutal Truth About Royal Parenting

At precisely 4:12 on a Tuesday morning, I found myself executing a deep, entirely unironic bow to a person who had just soiled herself up to the shoulder blades. My mother-in-law had visited the day before, bearing a rhinestone-encrusted tiara...

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