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The Completely Unfiltered Reality Behind the Cute Baby Aesthetic
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in late November, and I was wearing an oversized, pill-covered grey fleece robe that smelled violently of sour milk and desperation. My daughter Maya was exactly seven weeks old. I was holding her...
The Truth About Custom Baby Onesies: A Letter To My Past Self
Dear Sarah from exactly six months ago. It's October 14th, 2:13 AM, and you're sitting on the very edge of the living room rug, wearing those disgusting gray fleece college sweatpants with the mysterious bleach stain on the left knee...
Writing Baby Shower Thank You Cards Without Losing Your Mind
I was exactly thirty-six weeks pregnant with my oldest, sitting dead center on the faux-wood floor of our tiny rental duplex, surrounded by seventy-five pastel blue envelopes. I was absolutely sobbing. My lower back felt like it was splitting in...
The Honest Truth About Baby Shower Invites (And Surviving Them)
I was sitting at my kitchen island in July of 2017, my ankles swollen to the exact size and texture of grapefruits, wearing a maternity tank top that had a crusty mustard stain on the hem, crying over cardstock. Literally...
How to Write a Baby Shower Card Without Sounding Delusional
I'm standing in the card aisle of the local Tesco, holding a pastel-yellow envelope and aggressively crossing out a pre-printed poem about 'tiny toes and heavenly woes' with a biro. The cashier is staring at me. I don't care. I'm...
Writing baby shower wishes that will not make parents roll their eyes
I'm sitting cross-legged on my faded Chicago apartment rug right now. My toddler is methodically dismantling a cardboard box in the corner, looking for a stale Cheerio I know he dropped three days ago. I'm holding a stack of heavy...
What to write in a baby shower card without losing your mind
I'm sitting in the passenger seat of our sedan, balancing a small square envelope on the dashboard while my husband dodges Chicago potholes. We're twenty minutes late to my cousin's baby shower. The pen I dug out of the glovebox...
The Real Truth About People Actually Finding Your Baby Registry
I was sitting in a literal pile of bright pink cardboard boxes on my living room floor, four days after my first baby shower, ugly-crying into a burp cloth because not a single person bought the organic crib sheets I...
Writing a Baby Shower Card When You Have No Idea What to Say
I was standing in the greeting card aisle at the local Portland Fred Meyer, holding a pastel yellow card featuring a deeply anatomically incorrect stork, completely paralyzed. I had solicited advice from three different people on what to write in...