How to Take Decent Baby Pictures Without Losing Your Entire Mind
I was sweating through my favorite gray t-shirt, balancing on one foot on a dining room chair, making noises that sounded like a dying turkey. Below me, my oldest son, Hunter, was screaming bloody murder from inside a $60 woven...
Real Talk: Buying Cute Baby Girl Outfits Without Going Broke
I was thirty-five weeks pregnant with my oldest, sitting in the humid fellowship hall of our church, sweating through my maternity leggings while three different women stood over my folding chair giving me completely contradictory advice about clothes. My Aunt...
My Honest Journey to Finding the Best Baby Bottle Sterilizer
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was standing over a pot of rolling boiling water with a pair of metal kitchen tongs, desperately trying to fish out a pump flange before it melted to the bottom of...
My brutally honest guide to your baby store near me search
I was thirty-seven weeks pregnant, sweating profusely through a thin maternity top in a strip mall off the Kennedy Expressway. I had just desperately typed a search for the closest local baby shop into my phone, completely convinced that walking...
Finding the Best Kinder Spielzeug Without Losing Your Mind
It was 2:13 AM, I was carrying a barely-sleeping six-month-old, and my bare foot found the one object in the living room that doesn't just squeak—it sings a loud, unhinged, techno remix of "Old MacDonald" when you step on it....
The Truth About Building a Target Registry for Your Baby
I was seven months pregnant with my oldest, sweating through my maternity leggings in the middle of a Target aisle, clutching a plastic barcode scanner like it was a weapon. My mom was tossing wipe warmers and tiny, pointless patent...
Dear Past Tom: The Actual Trust Fund Baby Meaning (63 chars)
Dear Tom from exactly six months ago, You're currently sitting in a solicitor’s waiting room in zone 3, trying to peel a smashed Rice Krispie square off a faux-leather chair before Mr. Henderson comes out to discuss your estate. Twin...
How to Be a Rich Baby Daddy Without Actually Having Any Money
I'm standing in a painfully well-lit Marylebone baby boutique at eleven in the morning on a Tuesday, holding a £400 self-rocking bassinet, while one of my two-year-old twins actively attempts to eat a display shoe. The sales assistant is looking...
Dear Past Me: Surviving The Ramsey Baby Steps With Kids
Dear Sarah from last October, It's 11:42 PM on a Tuesday and you're sitting on the sticky kitchen linoleum right in front of the dishwasher. You're wearing those black yoga pants with the dried yogurt stain on the left knee,...