The Ugly Truth About Raising A Pacifier Baby In A Perfect World
The nurse lactation consultant at the hospital looked at me like I had just suggested feeding my newborn a shot of espresso. It was 3 a.m. on my second night postpartum, I was bleeding through my mesh underwear, and my...
Why The Oho Enthan Baby Movie Is Our Date Night Survival Test
The biggest lie the parenting industrial complex ever sold us is the concept of the 8:00 PM transition. You know the one I mean—the mythical hour where the house suddenly falls silent, the ambient lighting turns universally flattering, and you...
What Nobody Tells You About The Weird Belly Button Phase
I was standing in my kitchen staring at a newborn who wouldn't stop screaming, sweating completely through my cheap nursing tank, while getting three entirely different sets of instructions from the women in my life. My mama was digging in...
Baby J DJ Drama: Surviving Loud Wedding Dance Floors
I was huddled in the damp corner of a rustic wedding barn outside Austin, vibrating. And I don't mean figuratively. The bass from the DJ's speakers was physically shaking the cheap folding chair I was sitting on while I desperately...
What Every Parent Needs to Know About the 'Baby Jeeter' Scare
I was on my hands and knees under my younger brother Tyler’s incredibly ugly leather sofa, fishing out a rogue handful of cheerios that had somehow become cemented in golden retriever hair, when I saw it. A brightly colored, tiny...
My Glitchy Attempt at Sci-Fi Parenting With an 11-Month-Old
My guildmate on Discord told me to just slap on a noise-canceling headset and game while the baby slept on my chest. My mother-in-law insisted the ambient 5G from the Wi-Fi router was actively rearranging his aura. And a random...
The 3 AM Panic: My Completely Honest Truth About Baby Cough Syrup
I was standing in my kitchen at 2:14 AM wearing a pair of sweatpants with a bleach stain on the thigh, holding my oldest son who was barking like a literal harbor seal. My Etsy shop had twenty open orders...
The 3AM Kitchen Panic: Surviving the Baby Motrin Maths Test
There's a highly specific, deeply stressful kind of maths you only ever do at 3:17 in the morning, standing barefoot on a cold kitchen tile while a tiny, feverish human wails from the nursery. I usually have a sticky bottle...
The 3 AM Snot Exorcism: A Guide To Your Baby Nose Sucker
It's 3:14 AM. I'm sitting on the edge of the nursery glider, wearing a nursing bra that definitely smells like sour milk and my husband Dave's faded Pearl Jam t-shirt. My four-month-old, Leo, is making a sound that I can...