The Data-Driven Dad’s Guide to Using an Online Kids Boutique
It was 2:14 PM on a Tuesday, and I was standing in aisle 14 of a massive big-box store under fluorescent lights that made my corneas throb. My wife, Sarah, was holding a pair of baby jeans the size of...
Why nobody warns you about ugly babies and how to survive them
I spent four hours in the maternity ward trying to find an Instagram filter that would make my son look less like a bruised, angry potato. I know we aren't supposed to say that out loud. You're supposed to weep...
Lil baby wham tour: why a rap concert is not a pediatric milestone
I was sitting in the dark at three in the morning, covered in something sticky that I was praying was just spit-up, watching search results populate on my glowing phone screen. Half the mothers in my local Chicago moms group...
The absolute panic of your newborn's soft spot (and why it's fine)
I was sweating profusely in the middle of a Tuesday afternoon, holding a tiny striped jumper like it was an unexploded World War II bomb I had just unearthed in the garden. Twin A lay on the changing mat, completely...
Why I eventually surrendered to similac baby formula at 3 am
I was aggressively shaking a plastic bottle at three in the morning when the lid shot off like a champagne cork. White sticky fluid coated my glasses, the kitchen counter, and my golden retriever, who immediately started licking the cabinets....
Run Baby Run: The Messy Reality of Jogging With Your Kid
I'm wrestling a standard, rigid four-wheeled city stroller over a massive, gnarly tree root on a Tuesday morning at 7 AM. I'm wearing my black Lululemon leggings—the ones with the weird yogurt stain on the left thigh that I haven't...
How That Viral 1960s Pretty Little Baby Song Saved My Sanity
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and the rocking chair in Leo's nursery was squeaking exactly on the downbeat of my mounting panic. I was wearing a gray nursing tank top that smelled faintly of sour milk and utter...
Surviving the U.S. Infant Passport Process Without Losing Your Mind
The fluorescent lights at the pharmacy were humming a specific pitch of anxiety while a nineteen-year-old named Tyler adjusted a digital camera. I was holding my squirming four-month-old up by his armpits, trying desperately to keep my own hands out...
Why That Megan Fox Post-Baby Appearance Made Me Lose My Mind
The glowing numbers on the microwave read 3:14 AM, which I know because I had just logged a massive diaper blowout into our shared baby app using my left thumb while suspending my screaming four-month-old over the sink with my...