How Many Baby Mommas Does Elon Musk Have: A 3AM Parenting Spiral
What you absolutely shouldn't do when your 11-month-old is actively trying to chew through your MacBook power cord at three in the morning is fall down a Wikipedia rabbit hole about billionaire reproduction. But there I was, sitting on the...
Dear Past Me: How to Survive the Whiny Baby Phase Without Losing It
You're currently standing in the kitchen staring into the glow of the open refrigerator at 3:14 AM, listening to the relentless, high-pitched vocalizations coming from the nursery monitor. You're holding a cold bottle of formula in one hand and your...
11-month-olddevelopmental milestonesgross motor skillsorganic baby clothesparenting anxietytummy time
When Should A Baby Start Crawling? A Dad's Messy Timeline
I was standing in line at a Portland coffee shop yesterday with my 11-month-old strapped to my chest like a very heavy, drooling backpack, when I got hit with three completely contradictory pieces of developmental advice in the span of...
Why Are Babies So Cute? A Dad's Guide to Infant Hardware
My mom visited us in Portland last week and confidently announced that infants are adorable so we don't accidentally leave them in the woods when they haven't slept in three days. The very next morning, my lead developer coworker told...
Debugging the Baby Brezza Bottle Sterilizer: An Honest Dad Review
At 3:14 AM on a rainy Tuesday, I was standing over a pot of violently boiling water with a pair of silicone salad tongs, trying to fish out a breast pump flange without melting my fingerprints off. My wife was...
The great sweet potato incident and surviving baby boy haircuts
My wife Sarah was holding a spoonful of mashed sweet potato like a hostage negotiator, while I hovered over the high chair wielding a pair of poultry shears. Our son was completely oblivious, thrashing his head to some internal rhythm...
The Unfiltered Truth About Baby Bonnets and the Infant Bald Spot
My mother-in-law took one look at the back of my daughter’s head, gasped dramatically, and told me we needed to order a silk baby bonnet immediately to save her hair. Ten minutes later, my sister texted me a link to...
My Desperate Midnight Troubleshooting Guide for Baby Colic
It was 11:14 PM on a Tuesday, and I was holding my screaming daughter at a bizarre forty-five-degree downward angle over my left forearm because a guy named VapeLord88 on YouTube swore this specific posture would instantly "vent her chassis."...
The 3 AM Nightmare of Putting Baby Doll Clothes on Tiny Plastic Arms
At 4:17 AM on a Tuesday, the ambient temperature in our living room was exactly 68.4 degrees. I know this because I was staring at the thermostat while sitting on the rug with a headlamp on, trying to thread a...