The Ugly Truth About The Baby Emmanuel Haro Case Rumors
Last night, I was standing over a laundry basket at one in the morning, trying to match tiny socks that the dryer had inevitably eaten, while my phone played a continuous loop of TikTok videos on the coffee table. My...
Why Your Innocent TV Search Could Show Your Toddler an R-Rated Movie
It was 3:17 AM on a Tuesday, and I was quite literally running on a half-eaten sleeve of stale saltines and the sheer desperate hope that my eight-month-old would just close her eyes. She had been screaming since midnight, teething...
What To Do When "Baby Girl Shake That" Invades Your Nursery
I'm currently watching two identical twenty-four-month-olds attempt what I can only describe as a synchronized club routine in the middle of our kitchen. Twin A is dropping into a deeply concerning squat, while Twin B is executing a rhythmic shoulder...
What the Baby Emmanuel Parents Taught Me About Child Safety
I was wearing Mark's ancient grey fraternity t-shirt with the mysterious bleach stain on the collar, sitting on the edge of the cold porcelain bathtub at 2:14 AM. Leo, my youngest, was going through his extremely fun "I only sleep...
Dear Past Tom: The Baby Invasion Trailer Will Ruin Your Week
Dear Tom from six months ago, You're currently sitting at the kitchen island, staring blankly at a wall that needs painting, drinking a cup of instant coffee that went cold an hour ago. You're feeling incredibly smug because both twins...
The Night I Searched Baby Kxtten and Broke My Tech Dad Brain
The thermostat was locked at exactly 69.5 degrees, the ambient white noise machine was humming at a steady 45 decibels, and the 11-month-old had finally ceased her evening operational errors. I was sitting on the living room rug, eating cold...
Is the Job of a Brand Ambassador Actually Worth the Stress?
I'm currently wedged between our coffee table and a dangerously overloaded laundry basket, holding a smartphone at a 45-degree angle while making desperate clicking noises with my tongue. My 11-month-old son is supposed to be interacting thoughtfully with a visually...
Why That Viral Baby Saja Trend Totally Freaked Me Out
It was 8:14 on a Tuesday morning and I was wearing Daveβs college sweatpants with a hardened crust of what I think was blueberry oatmeal on the knee, aggressively pressing the brew button on my coffee maker for the third...
When the Internet Decides Your Toddler Needs Street Cred
I was wiping smeared avocado off my toddler's chin at the local park when a pack of ten-year-olds sat on the bench next to us. One of them had a phone propped up, blasting gang baby lyrics into the humid...