How Baby Sign Language Finally Stopped the Dinner Time Screaming

I was standing in my kitchen staring at sweet potato puree dripping from the ceiling fan, holding a stack of shipping labels for my Etsy shop, while my ten-month-old son arched his back so hard I thought he might actually snap his high chair in half. He was screaming that red-faced, breathless, silent-until-the-lungs-refill kind of scream. He wanted something. I had absolutely no idea what it was. I offered a bottle, he swatted it. I offered a toy, he threw it. I just stood there, wiping orange mush off my forehead, thinking that if I had to spend one more day playing this aggressive guessing game, I was going to lose my absolute mind.

That was my oldest, Beau. Bless his heart, he was a cautionary tale for almost every parenting mistake I could possibly make. And right there, in the middle of that sweet potato apocalypse, was the exact moment I realized my current strategy of "just wait for him to learn English" was a spectacular failure.

What my grandma thought about talking with your hands

Before that day, I was completely convinced that teaching a baby sign language was just a ridiculous flex for Instagram moms. You know the ones—the moms in perfectly neutral beige living rooms whose six-month-olds are supposedly signing the preamble to the Constitution while eating organic kale puffs. As a former teacher, I was deeply skeptical. I figured kids talk when they talk.

My grandma definitely agreed. When I first brought up the idea over Sunday dinner, she just rolled her eyes and poured more sweet tea. "Jess, we didn't do any of that hand-waving nonsense in my day," she told me, tapping her fork on the table. "We just let y'all fuss until you figured out how to use your words, and you turned out fine." Now, I love my grandma, but "fine" is subjective, especially considering my mom still holds a grudge about being left in a playpen for hours. I knew I couldn't just let Beau scream himself purple every night.

I used to believe that if I taught him to use a baby sign instead of his voice, he'd just be lazy and never actually talk. I figured I'd be sending a mute five-year-old off to kindergarten who just aggressively tapped his chin when he wanted a snack. But when you've three kids under five, you quickly learn that the things you firmly believed before having children are usually complete garbage.

The pediatrician appointment that changed everything

At Beau's next check-up, I was exhausted. I looked at our pediatrician, Dr. Miller, and confessed that meal times felt like hostage negotiations where the hostage-taker spoke an alien language. She laughed, which I didn't appreciate at the time, and asked if we had tried giving his hands something to do so his mouth didn't have to scream.

She explained it to me in a way that actually made sense for my sleep-deprived brain. Apparently, a baby's hands get wired up to their brain way faster than their vocal cords do. I guess it's some kind of weird evolutionary glitch where they've the brain capacity to know they want more crackers, and the finger dexterity to pick up the crackers, but the throat muscles are just hanging out on vacation until they turn two. Dr. Miller told me that teaching them simple gestures doesn't delay their speech at all, but instead kind of jump-starts the whole language process by showing them that communication honestly gets them what they want without having to throw a tantrum.

I don't know the exact neuro-science behind it, and I'm probably butchering the explanation, but the gist was that their little brains are trapped in a body that won't cooperate, and signing is the escape hatch.

My weird beef with the milk gesture

So, we started trying it. And I'm just gonna be real with you, some of these signs are incredibly awkward. Let's talk about the sign for "milk" for a second.

To sign milk, you open and close your hand into a fist, just like you're milking a cow. A literal cow. When I first looked this up, I stared at my phone screen in disbelief. You want me to sit in the middle of a crowded Texas diner, look my infant in the eye, and aggressively mime milking a farm animal? Because that's what it looks like. It feels absolutely ridiculous. For the first three weeks, I'd only do it in the privacy of my own home with the blinds drawn, because I was terrified the Amazon delivery guy would look through the window and wonder what kind of weird pantomime I was performing in my kitchen.

And the worst part is, the babies don't even do it right! When Beau finally started signing it back, he didn't gently squeeze his little fist. No, he would violently pump his hand in the air like he was at a rock concert trying to start a mosh pit. But you know what? He stopped screaming. He pumped his little fist, I handed him a bottle, and there was actual peace in my house. I'll mime milking a cow in the middle of Target every day of the week if it means I don't have to deal with a meltdown in the diaper aisle.

The sign for sleep is just pulling your hand down over your face, which is fine, we hardly use it anyway.

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The clothes that survive the learning curve

One thing nobody tells you about the early communication days is how incredibly sweaty and messy it gets. Before they master a baby sign, they communicate through full-body thrashing. During the Great Sweet Potato Incident of 2021, Beau was wearing one of those cheap multipack onesies, and it permanently stained after one wash.

By the time my second kid came around, I had wised up and started using the Organic Cotton Baby Bodysuit Sleeveless Infant Onesie from Kianao. I'll be totally honest, the price tag makes my budget-conscious heart skip a beat sometimes because kids grow so fast. But let me tell you, this thing is a workhorse. It has 5% elastane, which means when your baby is doing their best alligator death-roll on the changing table because they don't know the sign for "all done" yet, the neckline genuinely stretches with them instead of trapping their giant toddler head. Plus, it survives the industrial-strength washing I put it through when dinner ends up everywhere except their mouth. It's soft, it breathes, and it doesn't get weird and pill-y after two trips through the dryer.

When teething ruins all your hard work

Just when you think you've this whole signing thing figured out, your kid will start cutting a molar and suddenly forget every single thing you taught them.

My youngest daughter was doing so well with her signs until those top teeth decided to make an appearance. Suddenly, all communication completely stopped and was replaced by her trying to chew on the edge of our coffee table. That's when I ordered the Panda Teether Silicone Baby Bamboo Chew Toy Soothing Gum Relief.

I love this thing because it really fits in her hand. A lot of teethers are so clunky that babies just drop them and get mad, but the flat shape on this panda meant she could grip it easily. I just throw it in the fridge for ten minutes while I make my coffee, and when I give it to her, the blessed silence returns. It gave her enough relief that she really remembered how to sign "eat" instead of just gnawing on my shoulder.

The only baby sign language chart you really need

If you search Pinterest for a baby sign language chart, you'll find massive, overwhelming posters with sixty different gestures for things like "hippopotamus" and "uncle." Don't do this. You don't need to teach your infant the sign for hippopotamus unless you live in a zoo. You only need a few core lifesavers to survive the day.

Here are the only ones that seriously matter in my house:

• More: Pinch your fingertips together on both hands and tap them together. We use this for food, tickles, and keeping them occupied in the shopping cart.
• All Done: Hold your hands up with palms facing you, then flip them out so palms face away. Beau used to do this aggressively like an umpire calling someone safe at home plate.
• Milk: The dreaded cow-milking fist squeeze. Weird, but highly good.
• Eat: Tap your pinched fingers against your lips. Very straightforward.

We tried teaching the sign for "play" by using the Wooden Baby Gym | Panda Play Gym Set with Star & Teepee. It's a gorgeous, aesthetic piece of equipment that looks fantastic in my living room instead of the usual neon plastic eyesores. But if I'm being fully transparent, my middle child completely ignored the gentle, calming monochrome panda and just spent twenty minutes trying to pull the wooden frame down to chew on the legs. It's lovely and beautifully made, but depending on your kid's temperament, they might just view it as a giant wooden teething ring.

How to seriously start without losing your mind

If you're sitting there holding a fussy baby and wondering how to begin, just drop all the expectations of doing it perfectly and start repeating the same word and hand motion every single time you hand them a cracker while completely ignoring your mother-in-law's comments about how she never had to do this.

Seriously, consistency is the whole game. You have to say the word out loud while you do the motion. Don't just sit there in silence waving your hands. Say "More?" and tap your fingers together. Then give them the thing. Do it five hundred times. You will feel like a broken record. You will wonder if your baby is even looking at you or just staring at your eyebrows. And then one day, usually right around 8 or 9 months, they'll look at you, tap their little sticky fingers together, and your whole world will change.

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The messy reality FAQs

Does signing make babies talk later?

Lord, no. This was my biggest fear, but my pediatrician swore it was a myth and she was right. If anything, my kids realized that communicating gets them snacks faster, so they were highly motivated to start using actual words once their throat muscles finally caught up with their brains. It builds the bridge to talking, it doesn't burn it.

When do they honestly start signing back?

Every kid is different, but for us, I started doing the gestures around 6 months when we started solid foods. Beau didn't sign back until he was nearly 10 months old (and after the sweet potato incident). My second kid picked it up at 7 months because she was watching her older brother do it. You just have to be patient and keep doing it even when they just stare at you blankly.

What if my baby does the sign completely wrong?

Accept it and move on! Beau's sign for "more" looked like he was clapping with just his index fingers, and his "milk" sign looked like he was trying to punch a ghost. As long as you know what they mean, that's all that matters. You aren't training them for an ASL interpreter exam, you just want to know if they want more cheerios.

Do I need to take a professional class for this?

Please don't spend your hard-earned money on a class. You're a busy parent, you don't have time to drive somewhere to learn how to tap your fingers together. Just look up the four basic signs on your phone, teach them to whoever watches your kid (daycare, grandma, your partner), and do it at dinner time.

What if my family thinks it's a waste of time?

My grandma thought I was crazy until she babysat Beau for an afternoon. He signed "all done" when he was finished with his lunch instead of throwing his plate on her nice clean floor. Suddenly, she was the biggest advocate for baby sign language in rural Texas. Let the results speak for themselves.