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Why My Wife Wears a Nursing Necklace (And I Got Yelled At)
There was exactly one drop of blood on Sarahβs collarbone. It was Tuesday at 3:14 AM, the nursery temperature was holding steady at an best 69.2 degrees, and our then-five-month-old had decided that nursing was no longer a standard food-acquisition...
A Letter To Past Me About The Winter Onesie Sweater Situation
Dear Tom of six months ago. You're currently standing by the radiator in the front room of our freezing London flat, staring at your hands. The boiler is making that ominous clunking sound again, Alice is attempting to eat a...
The Puffy Coat Meltdown and the Magic of Toddler Boys Sweaters
It was 7:14 AM on a Tuesday, heavily sleeting, and I was standing in our driveway wearing one of my husbandβs old flannel shirts that smelled faintly of stale coffee and desperation. Leo, who was three at the time, was...
Debugging the architectural nightmare of a newborn sweater set
Iβm currently staring at a tiny, cream-colored cable-knit tube of fabric. My wife Sarah is in the other room, and my son is lying on the changing table, doing that terrifying infant stiff-board maneuver where every muscle in his three-week-old...
The Great Onesie Lie and Why Newborn Long Sleeve T Shirts Win
I'm standing in the nursery, it's like 3:14 AM, I'm wearing a nursing bra that smells vaguely of sour milk and Dave's oversized college sweatpants, and I'm practically in tears over three tiny metal crotch snaps. Before you've a baby,...
The Newborn Kimono Top: A First-Time Dadβs Troubleshooting Guide
My mom told me babies only need plain white onesies because that's what I wore and I survived with all my limbs intact. The aggressively hip barista at my local Portland coffee shop insisted I only use hand-woven hemp sacks...
The Great Layering Crash: Figuring Out Fall Baby Girl Outfits
We were in the back of my Subaru Outback in the Sauvie Island pumpkin patch parking lot, and my eleven-month-old daughter was emitting the thermal energy of a small sun. It was maybe 58 degrees outside. But inside the car,...
The 3 AM Panic That Forced Us Into the Sleeping Bag Baby Phase
It was 2:14 AM and my oldest son, Beauβwho's now four and continues to be my living, breathing cautionary tale for literally everythingβwas screaming. Not his usual "I lost my pacifier" sleep-grunt. The kind of panicked scream that makes your...
How a Simple Ribbed Onesie Saved My Sanity During a 3 AM Blowout
It's 3:14 AM on a Tuesday. I'm dealing with Diaper #284, and containment has been fully breached. The biohazard has traveled up my 11-month-old's spine, past his shoulder blades, and is currently threatening his neckline. I'm sweating through my t-shirt,...