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A tired mom holding a killer whale baby bath toy over a trash can while holding a coffee mug

The Moldy Bath Toy and My Black Killer Whale Baby Obsession

It was 4:12 AM, and I was standing on the freezing, fake-marble tile of our upstairs bathroom wearing Dave's college sweatpants—the ones with the literal hole in the crotch that I refuse to throw away because the waistband is basically...

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11-month-oldauditory safetyinfant safetymillennialparenting humorpop culture
Dad holding an 11-month-old baby in a living room next to a smart speaker.

Bigbang Fantastic Baby: A Dad's Guide to Infant Auditory Safety

It's 2:14 PM on a Tuesday. I'm standing in the exact center of our living room in Portland, holding an 11-month-old who's currently wearing only a diaper and one mismatched sock, while the opening synth chords of a legendary 2012...

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baby developmentfatherhoodinternet safetymillennialparenting tips
Exhausted dad holding a teething baby near a laptop and wooden play gym

The 2 AM Malware Alert That Changed How I Look at Baby Toys

It's exactly 2:14 AM. My 11-month-old daughter is running a mild teething temperature of 99.4 degrees, and I'm currently locked out of my own home Wi-Fi because our firewall triggered a hard quarantine. I’m sitting on the living room floor...

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baby bottlesbaby feedinginfant safetymotherhoodorganicsafe sleep
A tired mom holding a clear glass baby bottle and a cold cup of coffee

My Unhinged, Exhausting Search For The Best Glass Baby Bottles

I was standing in my kitchen at 3:14 AM wearing my husband Dan’s college sweatpants that had a questionable mustard stain on the knee, holding a supposedly pristine, top-of-the-line glass bottle while Maya screamed in the other room. I was...

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fourth trimesterinfant caremotherhoodnew bornparenting humor
Exhausted mother holding a newborn in a dimly lit nursery

I would like to see the baby and other newborn terrors

It's 3:18 AM in a freezing Chicago apartment. I'm holding a seven-pound alien that's currently shrieking like a defective smoke detector. My husband is dead asleep on the couch, entirely oblivious. I'm scrolling a forum with my free thumb and...

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babyfourth trimesterhumormillennialnatural fibersparenthood
A tired dad sitting on the floor surrounded by baby toys and organic clothes

Stop Taking My Chips I'm Just A Baby: A Dad's Survival Guide

Dear Tom from exactly six months ago, You're currently sitting on the hallway floor at 4 PM, wedged between a pile of unopened mail and a rogue wellington boot, trying to negotiate with a toddler who has just hurled a...

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11-month-old6-month-oldbaby cryingbaby developmentinfant sleepparenting humor
An exhausted dad staring at his phone while a baby cries in the background

The 'Is Your Baby Crying Meme' Explained: A Letter To Past Me

3:14 AM. The Apple Watch on my wrist is vibrating, aggressively warning me that the ambient noise level has reached 95 decibels—roughly the equivalent of standing next to a gas-powered lawnmower. The noise source is exactly fourteen inches from my...

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baby blueslondon dadmental healthparenting humorpostpartum
Exhausted parent staring blankly at a baby monitor at 3am

It's All Over Now: Surviving The Postpartum Day Five Crash

My mate Dave, over a very hurried pint three weeks before the twins arrived, told me the secret to the first week at home was to "just keep the kettle on and your head down." The glossy NHS leaflet we...

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A tired father holding two toddlers while looking completely overwhelmed

Jacqueline MacInnes Wood Baby Number 5 And The Boy Mom Chaos

Yesterday at roughly ten past four in the afternoon, I was lying spread-eagled on our sitting room rug while Twin A attempted to forcefully insert a plastic spoon into Twin B's left nostril. I had what I sincerely hoped was...

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