Playing Bread Baby I'm-a Want You Fixed Our 3AM Sleep Crisis
It's 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm writing this to you—which is to say, me, six months ago—while our son screams into my left clavicle like a dial-up modem failing to connect. I know exactly where you're right now...
New Baby What You Wishing For? The Brutal Truth About The First Year
I'm standing in my tiny, unventilated bathroom at 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in November, wearing a pair of mesh hospital underwear that I've somehow managed to launder and reuse because I refuse to let them go, holding my firstborn,...
Parenting a Baby Wario: When Your Newborn is High-Needs
I'm standing in the dark hallway at 3:14 AM, bouncing on my heels at exactly 60 beats per minute, because any deviation in rhythm causes the 11-pound human in my arms to reboot into a full-scale meltdown. Outside, the Portland...
Why the Days of Our Lives Tate's Baby Drama Sent Me Spiraling
I was knee-deep in a mountain of mismatched toddler socks last Tuesday, nursing my four-month-old like a human pacifier while trying to peel tiny vinyl letters off a batch of bachelorette tumblers for my Etsy shop, when my guilty pleasure...
Devon Hodge Brenda's Got a Baby: The True Story
Whatever you do, absolutely don't pull out your phone at 2:13 AM while your four-year-old’s foot is pressed directly against your windpipe and search for true stories behind 90s rap songs. Because you'll, like me, end up sobbing into a...
Why The Go Baby Justin Bieber Song Is Exactly What Moms Need
My mother-in-law told me to "sleep when the baby sleeps" while giving my messy, laundry-covered living room this highly specific, terrifying side-eye. The hospital lactation consultant, a woman whose hands smelled violently of industrial sanitizer, instructed me to feed on...
What the Patrick Mahomes Baby Taught Me About Surviving Three
Dear Jess from six months ago. You're currently sitting on the floor of our laundry room, crying over a mountain of unmatched tiny socks while your two toddlers use your Etsy shipping boxes as a literal wrestling ring in the...
The 3 AM Truth About Crying and Shaking Baby Syndrome
It was 3:14 on a Tuesday morning in November, and the rain was lashing against the single-glazed window of our flat in London, but I couldn’t hear it over the sound of my own teeth grinding. I was standing in...
The Bizarre Lies She Told My Baby About My Pre-Parenting Life
I watched in absolute horror as my old university friend Fiona, wearing a leather jacket that smelled faintly of stale vape smoke and regret, leaned directly into the pram and started rewriting my twenties. We were in a Costa Coffee...