Magazine

A tired dad staring at a blue nursery wall while holding an awake baby.

The Real Baby Blue Background Nobody Warned Me About

I’m standing in bedroom three with a roller brush dripping Sherwin-Williams "Serene Sky" onto my favorite sneakers, feeling incredibly smug. I was building the ultimate calming environment. I honestly thought that establishing a literal baby blue background on the walls...

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A dad holding a handwritten piece of paper with acoustic song lyrics on it

Why We Looked For Angel Baby Lyrics After Our World Stopped

I’m sitting in our Subaru outside the Fred Meyer on West Burnside, and the wipers are on the lowest setting, squeaking against the windshield every four seconds. My wife is staring blankly at the dashboard clock. In my hand, I've...

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Tired dad holding a sleeping baby girl in a dark movie theater while checking his phone

Navigating Baby Girl Showtimes: A Dad's Movie Survival Guide

My mother-in-law told me taking an infant to a movie theater would permanently short-circuit her developing brain. The guy who makes my oat milk cortado at the local coffee shop insisted that baby-friendly matinees are the only way new parents...

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A confused dad looking at a baby monitor screen in a dark room

Is My Child an Alien Baby? A Troubleshooting Log for Past Me

Dear Marcus from exactly six months ago. You're currently standing over the bassinet in the pitch black, holding your phone flashlight cupped in your palm so Sarah doesn't wake up, watching a tiny chest stop rising for what feels like...

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A dad sitting in a dark nursery holding a folded infant bodysuit.

The Alex Vesia Baby Update Broke My Brain: A Note To Past Me

It's 2:14 AM here in Portland, the rain is aggressively battering the nursery window, and I'm sitting on the floor staring at a terrifyingly small pile of clothes. Dear Marcus from six months ago: I'm writing you this system log...

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A dad staring exhausted at a glowing smartphone screen in a dark nursery

Why I threw our smart baby heart monitor in the trash

It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, raining sideways against our Portland windows, when the klaxon sounded. It wasn't a gentle beep. It was the specific, terrifying frequency of a submarine dive alarm broadcasting directly from my nightstand. My wife...

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Exhausted dad staring at a baby monitor screen in a dark kitchen at 3 AM

Why the Baby Brianna story changed how I debug dad burnout

My Apple Watch buzzed my wrist at 3:14 AM to congratulate me on starting an elliptical workout, which was objectively hilarious because I was actually just standing completely still in my kitchen in Portland, vibrating with a level of stress...

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Exhausted dad staring at a massive pile of baby blankets while twin girls sleep in their bare cribs.

The Great Baby Decke Deception of the First Twelve Months

I'm standing in our cramped London living room, holding what can only be described as a mountain of pastel knitwear. It's three weeks before the twins are due, and my mother-in-law has just dropped off her contribution to our nursery....

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Tired dad separating baby toys from massive dog chew toys on a living room rug

The Baby Rottweiler Protocol: Debugging Life With a 100-Pound Dog

The system totally crashed on a Tuesday at 4:13 PM. It was pouring rain here in Portland, which meant our 115-pound dog, Buster, had completely refused to step outside to use the bathroom and was currently running on 100 percent...

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