Magazine
The Myth That Ruined My Newborn Days (And The Baby Orangutan Fix)
I was wearing Tom's vintage college hoodie—the gray one with the mysterious yellow mustard stain from 2014—and it was somewhere around 3:17 AM. Maya was three weeks old and screaming like I'd personally offended her entire bloodline. I had a...
The Baby of the Year Contest Reality Check No One Gives You
My husband just walked into the kitchen and caught me hunched over my laptop like a sleep-deprived gargoyle, intensely scrolling through the baby of the year 2024 contestants pictures. I had half-drunk, room-temperature coffee dribbling down the front of my...
Why The Whole Infant Octopus Trend Almost Broke My Mama Sanity
I was standing at my kitchen island at 2:00 PM on a Tuesday, poking a slick, purple tentacle with a pair of tongs, questioning every life choice that had led me to this moment. My oldest son, Liam, was fourteen...
Decoding baby names for boys: A dad's naming algorithm
Line 74 of my Google Sheet was flashing neon green. I'd written a custom script to highlight any moniker with a standard deviation of less than 5% in popularity over the last decade, filtering out anything that spiked due to...
The Theater Beta Test: Bringing an 11-Month-Old to the Movies
I was standing under the dripping marquee of the Hollywood Theatre here in Portland, staring at the decibel meter app on my Apple Watch while my 11-month-old daughter Maya actively tried to chew off the zipper of my rain jacket....
A Letter To Past Tom About Hanging Baby Mobiles
Dear Tom of six months ago. You're currently standing in your socks on a wobbly Ikea step stool at 2:13 AM. You have a plastic, battery-guzzling, brightly coloured spaceship contraption in one hand and a tiny screwdriver clamped between your...
The Complete Chaos of Baby Lyrics and What Actually Soothes Them
My mother-in-law cornered me in the hospital recovery room to insist I strictly sing classical raagas if I wanted a smart child. Twelve hours later, the night nurse doing my vitals told me to skip singing entirely and just use...
The Truth About Buying a Baby Lion Costume for Your Kid
I was sitting in the third row of my Honda Odyssey in a Target parking lot, sweating through my favorite t-shirt, trying to peel my screaming six-month-old out of a baby lion costume that seemed to be actively melting into...
The truth about kangaroo care and why it’s not just a photo op
The biggest lie we're sold about the immediate aftermath of birth is the glowing, serene Instagram photo where the mother, looking dewy and perfectly flushed, delicately holds her pristine newborn to her bare chest. It’s framed as this beautiful, magical...