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baby accessoriesbaby milestoneseco-friendlylondon dadparenting humour
A wooden baby memory container sitting open on an untidy living room rug.

Confessions: Why a Plastic Bag is a Terrible Baby Keepsake Box

I'm currently sitting cross-legged on a heavily stained rug at two in the morning, holding a small, crinkled ziplock bag that looks suspiciously like evidence from a low-budget crime scene. Inside is a tiny, pale wisp of hair. I know,...

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london dadnature learningoutdoorparenting humourspringtoddlers
A tiny infant bird sitting in the damp garden grass next to a toddler's shoe

Dear past Tom: So your toddler found a bird in the garden

Dear Tom from last May. You're currently standing on the patio in your dressing gown, holding a lukewarm mug of instant coffee while watching Maya and Lily enthusiastically poke at a pulsating lump of grey fluff on the lawn, so...

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4-month-oldinfant sleeplondon dadorganic cottonparenting humour
A deeply exhausted dad trying to put a baby swaddle on a flailing infant at 3am

The 4 AM Starfish Incident and the Happiest Baby Swaddle

It's 3:17 AM on a Tuesday, though in the windowless temporal void of my daughters' nursery, it might as well be 1994. The room smells faintly of Calpol, sour milk, and my own evaporating dignity. I'm standing over the cot...

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baby gearbaby sleepfourth trimesterlate nightparenting humour
Exhausted dad adjusting a smart sound machine in a dark nursery

The Hatch Baby Delusion: Why Smart Sound Machines Won't Save You

It's exactly 3:14 AM, and I'm standing motionless in the hallway outside my daughters' bedroom, holding my breath so tightly my vision is starting to blur. Page 47 of the best-selling parenting manual we panic-bought during the third trimester suggested...

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baby poopeco-friendlylondon dadorganic baby clothesparenting humour
A tired dad holding two toddlers surrounded by organic baby clothes and silicone teethers

The Great Green Baby Panic: A Father's Descent Into Eco-Parenting

I was standing in our galley kitchen at 3:14 a.m., holding a disposable nappy that smelled vaguely of industrial solvent, when I realised my twin daughters were going to single-handedly destroy the ozone layer. Florence was screaming from the bassinet...

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baby acnefourth trimesterinfant sleepmental healthnewbornparenting humour
A tired father holding a crying baby in a dimly lit room

Why My Newborn Looked Like the Eraserhead Baby (And How We Survived)

It was 3:17 in the morning, a steady London drizzle was blurring the streetlights outside our flat, and I was staring into the hallway mirror holding what appeared to be a hostile alien organism. My hair, unwashed for four days,...

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baby developmentinfant healthlondon dadparenting humour
A dad looking confused while trying to put a snowsuit on a very bendy baby

The bizarre math of exactly how many bones do babies have

I was trying to fold my daughter into a pram suit that was arguably designed for a slightly smaller, more cooperative species of mammal, when I noticed her leg was bending at an angle that would have required me to...

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babybaby accessorieslondon dadoutdoorparenting humour
A heavily loaded pram looking like a pack mule on a typical London pavement.

Surviving the Absolute Chaos of Your First Real Baby's Out Day

I'm currently standing in the hallway holding a solitary, incredibly tiny sock. I've been standing here staring at the wallpaper for what feels like twelve minutes, entirely paralysed by indecision. I can hear one of my two-year-old twin daughters crying...

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infant sleeplondon dadnewbornparenthoodparenting humour
Two exhausted parents looking at their tiny newborn twins in a London flat

A Desperate Letter to Myself About Surviving Newborn Babies

Dear Tom from six months ago, You're currently sitting on the edge of the sofa at 3:14 AM, wearing a dressing gown that smells fiercely of sour milk and something I can only describe as biological despair. One of the...

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