Sparkle Megan Baby Daddy Drama: A Tired Dad's Honest Take
It was 2:14 AM on a Tuesday, and my eleven-month-old son, Leo, was currently undergoing some sort of mysterious firmware update that apparently required him to aggressively slap my collarbone while wide awake in the dark. My wife, Sarah, was...
A Letter To My Past Self: When Do Babies Start Rolling Over?
Dear Tom of October 2022, You're currently sitting on the floor of the living room, drinking lukewarm instant coffee and staring at Florence and Matilda. They're roughly fourteen weeks old. They're on their backs. They have been on their backs...
The Truth About Finding Your Kid's Beanie Baby Birthday Twin
The biggest myth about millennial parenting is that our childhood artifacts belong in our babies' mouths. You see it on social media constantly. A perfectly filtered, beige nursery. A pristine six-month-old sitting on a linen rug. And in their chubby...
Nostalgia and Reality: Hiring Your First Sitter
I'm standing in my kitchen, wearing a nursing bra stained with something yellow, staring at a sixteen-year-old named Chloe who just asked me if babies can eat grapes whole. This was my first attempt at hiring a baby sitter. I...
How Baby Sign Language Finally Stopped the Dinner Time Screaming
I was standing in my kitchen staring at sweet potato puree dripping from the ceiling fan, holding a stack of shipping labels for my Etsy shop, while my ten-month-old son arched his back so hard I thought he might actually...
How to Buy a Baby High Chair Without Losing Your Entire Mind
I was standing in the kitchen at a quarter to ten on a Tuesday, armed with a discarded electric toothbrush and a spray bottle of white vinegar, trying to excavate petrified Weetabix from the neon-green piping of a padded seat...
The Great Baby Book Delusion: Expectations vs Actual Reality
I'm currently looking at a copy of The Very Hungry Caterpillar that has been so thoroughly chewed, sucked, and dismantled by my twin two-year-old daughters that it looks less like a beloved piece of children's literature and more like something...
How the Peppa Pig New Baby Episode Saved My Sanity With Two Kids
I was sitting squarely on the cold bathroom tile, staring cross-eyed at two pink lines on a plastic stick, while my two-year-old was actively trying to flush my best Mac contour brush down the toilet. He paused his plumbing experiment,...
Why I'm Searching For The 'I Had A Baby Without You Full Movie' At 3AM
It's 3:14 AM. The flat smells faintly of lavender baby lotion, stale coffee, and the specific brand of despair that only sets in when you've been awake since Tuesday. Twin A is currently using my left clavicle as a teething...