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Debugging the Infant Wash Cycle: A Letter to My Clueless Past Self
You're currently holding a screaming, soapy five-month-old over a stainless steel kitchen sink while the water temperature wildly fluctuates between Arctic runoff and molten lava, and you're terrified. I know this because I'm you, writing from six months in the...
Surviving The Ash Baby Look And Other Sweaty Newborn Disasters
It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I was staring at Leo under the harsh bathroom vanity light, wearing a nursing bra that smelled aggressively of sour milk and my husband Dave's oversized college sweatpants. Leo was three weeks...
The Terrifying, Beautiful Truth About Having a Rainbow Baby
I was wearing this absolutely hideous mustard-yellow maternity sweater that I hated but wore anyway because it was clean, and I was squeezing my husband’s hand so hard in the ultrasound room that his knuckles were actually turning white. It...
"I had a baby without you": The messy truth of solo parenting
The biggest myth about doing this alone is that it looks absolutely anything like the cinema. People type i had a baby without you full movie into their search bars late at night, expecting some sweeping romantic drama starring an...
Decoding the Relentless Midnight Screams of Your Tiny Human
It’s 3:14 in the morning and both twins are vibrating with the kind of acoustic violence usually reserved for heavy metal festivals. I'm standing in the dark, rocking on my heels in a rhythm that has permanently damaged my lower...
Surviving the Dave Ramsey Baby Steps With Three Under Five
I was sitting on the nursery floor at 2:14 AM with my oldest, staring at a $400 emergency room bill for what turned out to be entirely normal teething pain, when I realized we were financially drowning. He was screaming,...
Surviving the 6pm Meltdown: A Very Tired Dad's Guide to Colic
The absolute worst thing you can do at 6:13 PM on a Tuesday, when your infant begins their nightly impersonation of a faulty car alarm, is to load up YouTube on your phone, prop it against a cold cup of...
Why Baby Aspirin Was The Biggest Shock Of Our Twin Pregnancy
We were sitting in windowless room 4 at our local NHS Trust, breathing in the very specific scent of industrial floor cleaner and ultrasound gel, when our consultant casually slid a prescription across the desk. My wife was exactly twelve...
Why Rosemary's Baby Is A Terrible Idea For Your Real Toddler
My mother-in-law told me to rub concentrated rosemary oil on my toddler's chest to cure his midnight cough. The next morning, my granola-mom neighbor swore a homemade rosemary extract paste was the only reliable way to dissolve cradle cap. Then...