Magazine

Toddler playing with a wooden baby gym instead of looking at a digital tablet

The search history nightmare and the offline baseline

Maya texted me at two in the morning on a Tuesday. It was just a screenshot of her nine-year-old’s iPad search history followed by a single skull emoji. She thought she had all the filters on. She thought she had...

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Frustrated dad trying to apply mineral sunscreen stick to squirmy baby

A Dad's Messy Quest for the Best Sunscreen for Babies

It's exactly 78.4 degrees at Laurelhurst Park, and I'm currently holding a pressurized aluminum can of SPF 50 like it's a live grenade. My eleven-month-old son, Leo, is squirming on the picnic blanket like I'm trying to install a malicious...

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Exhausted dad holding a wearable breast pump while looking at a newborn baby photographer in a hospital room

When Pumping Hardware And Hospital Photoshoots Suddenly Collide

The machine strapped to my wife’s chest sounded exactly like a PlayStation 4 struggling to render a massive game file. It was a rhythmic, mechanical grinding noise that echoed off the sterile walls of our postpartum recovery room. We were...

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Tired dad looking at two toddlers chewing on wooden toys in a living room

Why My Teething Twins Turned Into Beavers (And What I Learned)

The sound woke me at 3:14 AM. It wasn’t a cry, or a whimper, or even that wet, raspy cough that instantly deducts forty quid from your bank account because you panic-buy every brand of vapor rub at the all-night...

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A dad holding a vintage 90s plush toy with a red heart tag while a baby reaches for it

Debugging The 90s Plush Stash: The Great Beanie Baby Tag Dilemma

I was sitting cross-legged on the nursery floor at 10 AM on a Saturday, entirely surrounded by a 30-gallon plastic storage bin of my childhood. My mom had just dropped off the "archives," grinning like she had just unburdened herself...

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A tired father frantically scanning a rug with a flashlight for miniature plastic Barbie accessories.

Why Skipper Babysitters Inc Dolls Terrify Me As A Parent

I'm currently on my hands and knees in our London flat, using a high-powered camping headlamp to scan the living room rug for a piece of pink plastic no larger than a grain of rice. The grand parenting lie is...

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Two slightly squashed fruit pancakes on a highchair tray next to a very messy toddler.

Banana pancakes for baby: Why my first twin batch was a disaster

The smoke alarm in our London flat has a very specific, piercing shriek that usually only makes an appearance when I attempt to be culinary before 7 am. Tuesday morning was no exception. I was standing in the kitchen, squinting...

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A tired mom holding a silicone panda teether while a baby gnaws on it

Dear Past Jess: A Survival Guide to the Teething Phase

Dear Jess from six months ago, who's currently sitting on the living room rug, staring blankly at a mountain of tiny socks while watching your youngest child gnaw aggressively on the wooden leg of the coffee table like a feral...

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Toddler watching a video of a baby wombat while wearing an organic cotton bodysuit

Why a Baby Wombat Video Ruined My Tuesday (And Other Lessons)

It's exactly 3:14 AM on a Tuesday, and I'm standing barefoot on the freezing kitchen tile wearing my husband Dave's oversized tech-conference t-shirt from 2016, trying to explain to my weeping four-year-old why I can't sew a pouch onto her...

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