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The Real Deal on Baby Name Meanings Without Losing Your Mind

I was thirty-eight weeks pregnant, sweating through a maternity tank top in the middle of July, when the great naming summit occurred in my living room. My mom looked me dead in the eye and said I needed to pick...

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A dad looking exhausted while holding a smartphone and a baby teether.

Josh and Aubree Jones Named Their Baby Disney (And I Get It)

Dear past Tom You're currently sitting on the bathroom floor at 3:14 AM, using a cold, damp flannel to wipe what you fervently hope is pureed parsnip off your left shoulder. Beatrice (the twin who currently believes she's a domesticated...

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The Unfiltered Truth About Picking Authentic Celtic Baby Names

I was sitting in the cracked vinyl chair at Dr. Miller's office last Tuesday, bouncing a fussy ten-month-old on my hip, when the triage nurse popped her head out the door and yelled, "See-oh-bann? Is there a See-oh-bann?" A poor,...

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Why we threw out the traditional gendered baby name playbook

I was thirty-two weeks pregnant, sitting at the kitchen island at three in the morning, aggressively pointing out cells in a Google Sheet. My husband was asleep. The spreadsheet was simply titled The Child. Row forty-seven was the name Emerson....

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Top Baby Names: Picking One Without Starting a Family Feud

I was sitting at my kitchen island at 37 weeks pregnant with my oldest, eating dry cereal out of the box, staring at a yellow legal pad that looked like the diary of a madman. It was just a giant...

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Exhausted mom in a messy living room looking at baby name lists on her phone.

The Real Reason I Cried About My Baby's Name at the Hospital

I was sitting in exactly the wrong position on that terrible plastic-covered hospital mattress, wearing mesh underwear that I swear was designed as a medieval torture device, nursing a lukewarm cup of what the cafeteria boldly claimed was coffee, when...

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Tired dad holding a silicone panda teether while researching baby naming rules

The Bizarre Kat Timpf Baby Name Rumor & Our Naming Panic

You're currently staring at cell C42 on the "Child_Identifier_v3.xlsx" spreadsheet, blinking through the burn of blue light at 2:14 AM while your five-month-old aggressively tries to eat his own foot in the bassinet beside you. You've gone so far down...

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The 3 AM Meltdown That Finally Taught Me How to Name a Human

It was 3:14 AM on a Tuesday in mid-August, and the air conditioning in our apartment had completely surrendered. I was 37 weeks pregnant with Maya, wearing my husband Mark’s hopelessly stained college lacrosse t-shirt, and I was crying so...

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Confused dad looking at a spreadsheet of baby names while holding a teething infant in Portland.

How The AGT Winner Jessica Sanchez Baby Name Wrecked My Math

Don't, under any circumstances, try to write a Python script that scrapes the Social Security Administration database to find a moniker with a mathematically perfect syllable-to-vowel ratio. This is a terrible way to name a human. I know this because...

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